Official Spring Break: Day One
Guess who slept in until 2:45? Go on! Guess!
That's right, Kat did.
Yup. Lazy days, so far. I do have a few things planned, but nothing of interest to any of you. I'm having a shitty hard time with one song on the piano...stupid sharps and flats. Stupid stupid stupid.
Talked to Sarah last night. That was pretty fun. We talked about fake anime, the latest craze that is taking over the cartoon world. It bugs me. Grrrr. Although it gives me some hope. Surely if people are willing to make other crazy non-anime crap, they'll make mine, right? I cannot wait for the day when it's my name in the credits, under "super cool creator of this super amazing awesome show she rocks you all suck". Just cause I can, you know? Whether it's true or not, nevermind.
Okay, many hours have passed, but I want to keep all of my entries under one per day...even though it is technically two. Don't confuse me with the facts, my mind is made up.
Our house smells like KFC, or as the French say, PFK. Hah, funnay.
Well, I suppose I should go and write some poetry or draw or something. Anything to keep my mind off of...stuff. Crappy awful stuff. And I dread Wednesday. I have to leave the house. I don't really like days where I have to leave the house. It's a big nasty bad world out there, and now I can see it for what it really is.
If I had my way, I would never leave the house. I would never have to. It would be the big-ass mansion that I dream about, with all of my animal friends. Lenguiney the penguin butler, Llama-Llama the llama driver, Fugu the komodo dragon chef, Wally the yak personal trainer, and Boolie the owl mailman. And there would be a waterslide and a wave pool. And there would be a thousand rooms, most of which are locked and have mysterious secrets hidden within. There would be an amusement park, and an inside garden, where there would be a million flowers blooming all year round. But there would be no other people there. Just me and my zoo of animals and my garden. I could sit and read and write poetry and paint all day long if I wished, or watch television or sleep on my enourmous bed. Call me crazy, but this silly, imagined world is a lot better than the shitty one that is real.
But nevermind all that. This game of solitaire isn't playing itself, by jove.
Saturday, April 03, 2004
Friday, April 02, 2004
Spring break beginneth!
Didn't go to school today, because it seemed pretty pointless. Besides, I've had a pretty crappy week, so I decided to stay home. And yay. I'm glad I did. I made rice, sat around in my comfy clothing, and watched television. Yay!
I simply must finish reading the Three Musketeers. It's such a good book. Oh, how I wish that such chivalry and adventure still existed.
Wow, guys...I can actually play the piano! Nothing fancy, but I can do it. Now, when people ask "Do you play any musical instruments?" I can finally yell "Yes! Yes I do! The piano!" Hah, I feel so learned. I also plan on reading lots more. What with not having a social life and all.
Didn't go to school today, because it seemed pretty pointless. Besides, I've had a pretty crappy week, so I decided to stay home. And yay. I'm glad I did. I made rice, sat around in my comfy clothing, and watched television. Yay!
I simply must finish reading the Three Musketeers. It's such a good book. Oh, how I wish that such chivalry and adventure still existed.
Wow, guys...I can actually play the piano! Nothing fancy, but I can do it. Now, when people ask "Do you play any musical instruments?" I can finally yell "Yes! Yes I do! The piano!" Hah, I feel so learned. I also plan on reading lots more. What with not having a social life and all.
Thursday, April 01, 2004
So it's true...
It is. I don't want to believe it. But I do a lot of things I don't want to do.
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Why is it that my life is a total waste? I don't mean to sound all "Oooh, my life sucks, blah blah fucking blah" but well...that's the risk I must run. I'm going to use a euphamism, if I may...
Life is like television. There are different channels. Mine is currently on the soap opera channel, and I can't find the fucking remote.
Talking today about blissful ignorance. Wish I was. Wish I was far from this place. Schooling in England next year sounds more and more appealing, but for some stupid reason, I feel tied to this place. Maybe I'll just switch schools at the last minute. Maybe. It's all a massive blur.
God, I was happier when my mouth was numb. Novacaine is perfect for dreamless sleep, but it has worn off now, leaving my gums sore and my teeth aching. Fuck.
Holy fucking crap. I just realized something. I saw myself in the hallway mirror, and it dawned on me. The worst thought in the world. It was amazing. I had to sit down. Seven little words that I should have thought of a long time ago, as it would have stopped a whole lot of shit from going down. TINSTAL. Forget CFSIAL. As true as that still is, TINSTAL is even worse. I don't want to believe that either. But I'll believe the truth, no matter what it is.
It is. I don't want to believe it. But I do a lot of things I don't want to do.
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Why is it that my life is a total waste? I don't mean to sound all "Oooh, my life sucks, blah blah fucking blah" but well...that's the risk I must run. I'm going to use a euphamism, if I may...
Life is like television. There are different channels. Mine is currently on the soap opera channel, and I can't find the fucking remote.
Talking today about blissful ignorance. Wish I was. Wish I was far from this place. Schooling in England next year sounds more and more appealing, but for some stupid reason, I feel tied to this place. Maybe I'll just switch schools at the last minute. Maybe. It's all a massive blur.
God, I was happier when my mouth was numb. Novacaine is perfect for dreamless sleep, but it has worn off now, leaving my gums sore and my teeth aching. Fuck.
Holy fucking crap. I just realized something. I saw myself in the hallway mirror, and it dawned on me. The worst thought in the world. It was amazing. I had to sit down. Seven little words that I should have thought of a long time ago, as it would have stopped a whole lot of shit from going down. TINSTAL. Forget CFSIAL. As true as that still is, TINSTAL is even worse. I don't want to believe that either. But I'll believe the truth, no matter what it is.
God damn.
Two cavities. My mouth feels like it's been hit by a bag of fucking bricks. And I didn't even get my teeth cleaned. The dentist, Dr Cooper, just went straight for the molars with his needle and his drill. When I was finished, my mom had been shopping and bought me some nice stuff to make me feel better, as I told her I had a shitty day. Stupid Dr Cooper. Remind me to send him a gift basket with anthrax powder in it.
I was told today that I was rude. Damn straight. It's much much easier. And besides, I think that is rich coming from someone who stands with her boyfriend, in the middle of the fucking hallway, with her tongue so far down his throat she's licking the inside of his guts. Why don't they just fuck in the hall and get it over with?
I'm in a rotten mood. It isn't just that the novacaine is wearing off, although that is a major part of it. I'm trying to figure out everything, but the longer I think, that sadder I get. I can't even sleep, what for all the crazy paranoid thoughts that keep disturbing me. Example, I'll be lying in bed, eyes closed, thinking wearily of whatever, and then a horrible question or scenario will create itself in my brain, and I'll sit up and bury my face in my hands for a long time. Once I stayed like that for an hour. Sometimes I brush my hair, because it's getting really long now and it helps me relax.
I knew today was going to be a bad day. It started when my alarm went off at 5:30, and I knocked it under the bedside table. I leant down (this was at my dad's place, where my bed is more than two inches above the floor) and shut it off. I went to roll over quickly, doing this weird flip thing, and bashed the left side of my nose right on the corner of my sister's stereo, causing blood to come out of my left nostril, which then got all over my quilt and pillow. Needless to say, I was pissed off. Then I got to school way early, so I could do my homework, which I didn't do. I just slept. Although, God did grant me one mercy, and made Miss Logue be absent, and I took advantage of the situation and did not hand in my homework. Then it snowed. I want it to rain, so all the dirt and grime of winter will dissapear. I have some hope though...
Whilst waiting outside the school, hoping something would happen, but knowing it would not, I leant against a pole and stared at the ground. It was a little bit sunny, and the snow had melted, but the wind was fast and cold. If I had a mirror, I knew that if I had looked into it, and the glass would have shattered, what for the scowl on my face. Anyway, I looked up, and saw something so small and so sweet I very nearly cried. In the garden of the house across the street, flowers were poking through the cold hard earth and turning brilliantly towards the sun, like little children waking up. I rushed over, not caring if I got hit by a car, or that I was on someone elses lawn. I knelt in the dirt, and saw a small but bright aray of colour. Sunny yellow, sky blue, velvet lavender, tiger orange, forest green, and ivory cream. I didn't pick them, they weren't mine, and they weren't ready. But I smiled and whispered "flowers" very softly, as if they were my silly little secret. I love flowers. The cheap plastic ones in my hair, the tattoed one on my shoulder, or the living things growing in ugly dirty cold grey earth. That was the only good bit of my day.
I think I might do something I'm going to regret. Maybe I'll just be...observant. Why make an ass of myself when I can watch quietly, and hopefully all my questions will be answered without a word being said.
Two cavities. My mouth feels like it's been hit by a bag of fucking bricks. And I didn't even get my teeth cleaned. The dentist, Dr Cooper, just went straight for the molars with his needle and his drill. When I was finished, my mom had been shopping and bought me some nice stuff to make me feel better, as I told her I had a shitty day. Stupid Dr Cooper. Remind me to send him a gift basket with anthrax powder in it.
I was told today that I was rude. Damn straight. It's much much easier. And besides, I think that is rich coming from someone who stands with her boyfriend, in the middle of the fucking hallway, with her tongue so far down his throat she's licking the inside of his guts. Why don't they just fuck in the hall and get it over with?
I'm in a rotten mood. It isn't just that the novacaine is wearing off, although that is a major part of it. I'm trying to figure out everything, but the longer I think, that sadder I get. I can't even sleep, what for all the crazy paranoid thoughts that keep disturbing me. Example, I'll be lying in bed, eyes closed, thinking wearily of whatever, and then a horrible question or scenario will create itself in my brain, and I'll sit up and bury my face in my hands for a long time. Once I stayed like that for an hour. Sometimes I brush my hair, because it's getting really long now and it helps me relax.
I knew today was going to be a bad day. It started when my alarm went off at 5:30, and I knocked it under the bedside table. I leant down (this was at my dad's place, where my bed is more than two inches above the floor) and shut it off. I went to roll over quickly, doing this weird flip thing, and bashed the left side of my nose right on the corner of my sister's stereo, causing blood to come out of my left nostril, which then got all over my quilt and pillow. Needless to say, I was pissed off. Then I got to school way early, so I could do my homework, which I didn't do. I just slept. Although, God did grant me one mercy, and made Miss Logue be absent, and I took advantage of the situation and did not hand in my homework. Then it snowed. I want it to rain, so all the dirt and grime of winter will dissapear. I have some hope though...
Whilst waiting outside the school, hoping something would happen, but knowing it would not, I leant against a pole and stared at the ground. It was a little bit sunny, and the snow had melted, but the wind was fast and cold. If I had a mirror, I knew that if I had looked into it, and the glass would have shattered, what for the scowl on my face. Anyway, I looked up, and saw something so small and so sweet I very nearly cried. In the garden of the house across the street, flowers were poking through the cold hard earth and turning brilliantly towards the sun, like little children waking up. I rushed over, not caring if I got hit by a car, or that I was on someone elses lawn. I knelt in the dirt, and saw a small but bright aray of colour. Sunny yellow, sky blue, velvet lavender, tiger orange, forest green, and ivory cream. I didn't pick them, they weren't mine, and they weren't ready. But I smiled and whispered "flowers" very softly, as if they were my silly little secret. I love flowers. The cheap plastic ones in my hair, the tattoed one on my shoulder, or the living things growing in ugly dirty cold grey earth. That was the only good bit of my day.
I think I might do something I'm going to regret. Maybe I'll just be...observant. Why make an ass of myself when I can watch quietly, and hopefully all my questions will be answered without a word being said.
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
I tried and failed to sleep, and here I am.
As soon as I got home, I got a lecture from my mother, because I was late. Then I ate some real food, and became instantly ravenous and searched like a raccoon through to pantry for more delicious nutritious substance. Alas, there were none. We need to go grocery shopping. Maybe I'll eat my personal melon.
So I went to bed at 10:30, early for me, and then I couldn't sleep. A thought entered my brain, a horrid thought, and I just pulled the blanket over my head and cried into my pillow. Funnily enough, I don't remember what I was thinking at the time. Huh, I guess I must be losing my mind. So then I lay on my bed, tossing and turning, and I couldn't stand it. I turned on my light, and stared at Bamboo. I swear the real Bamboo died-possibly from Hello Kitty Cayuuteness-and my mother replaced him. Anyway, I sat up, pulled on whatever sweater was closest, and came downstairs to find some more food.
I had a beautiful moment today. Waiting at the bus stop at Whitehorn, trying to get the creepy guy who asked me for my phone number downtown out of my head, and it was windy, as usual. It's always windy up in the great north. Tonight it was a warm, fast breeze, and the sky was a deep night blue, and I saw a single bright star. I made a wish, as I often childishly do. Hope it comes true. But then again, don't we all?
As soon as I got home, I got a lecture from my mother, because I was late. Then I ate some real food, and became instantly ravenous and searched like a raccoon through to pantry for more delicious nutritious substance. Alas, there were none. We need to go grocery shopping. Maybe I'll eat my personal melon.
So I went to bed at 10:30, early for me, and then I couldn't sleep. A thought entered my brain, a horrid thought, and I just pulled the blanket over my head and cried into my pillow. Funnily enough, I don't remember what I was thinking at the time. Huh, I guess I must be losing my mind. So then I lay on my bed, tossing and turning, and I couldn't stand it. I turned on my light, and stared at Bamboo. I swear the real Bamboo died-possibly from Hello Kitty Cayuuteness-and my mother replaced him. Anyway, I sat up, pulled on whatever sweater was closest, and came downstairs to find some more food.
I had a beautiful moment today. Waiting at the bus stop at Whitehorn, trying to get the creepy guy who asked me for my phone number downtown out of my head, and it was windy, as usual. It's always windy up in the great north. Tonight it was a warm, fast breeze, and the sky was a deep night blue, and I saw a single bright star. I made a wish, as I often childishly do. Hope it comes true. But then again, don't we all?
Monday, March 29, 2004
And now I remember why I despise Mondays.
They're long, and boring, and most people are in pretty bad mood, myself included. Thank God spring break is arriving soon. I don't think I could handle it, otherwise. Curse this wretched era referred to as "teenage". Stupid...stupidness.
So tomorrow I have to stay and watch the rehearsals. That might be fun. In fact, I'm sure it will be, but I'm not looking forward to the entire school day in front of it. Damn it...double social. And art. Which is so not fun anymore.
You know what is a fabulous song? Every Breath You Take by The Police. Yes, it's about a creepy stalker-type character, but it has a great tune, and if you forget the scary "I'm watching you" bit, it's a really heartfelt song. Personally, I like the stalker touch. No reason. Speaking of music, piano is proving easier than I thought. Hooray for musical talent. And by talent, I mean I can play...two songs...that aren't actual songs. Shut up.
I would just like to apologize-again-for the whole Skiing Jesus thing. And today, I walked into a pole, but that was Stephen and Dan's fault. Jerks. Jeez. Way to make me walk into a pole, guys.
Guys, I really need something to do. I mean, I just got all of my clothes ready for the week, and on Wednesday, I'm going to be very bright. Although thats partly for my choir performance piece. Shake the Papaya Down is such a quaint little song. And, on the topic of choir songs, I shall type one up that makes my heart very sad. It almost brings a tear to the eye.
Go Away From My Window-American Folk Song
(It's in three parts, but I'll mostly just type the soprano bit...cause thats the part I know.)
Go 'way from my window
Go 'way from my door
Oh please go from this heart of mine
And trouble me no more
And trouble me no more
No more
(Second Sopranos)You sent me back my letters
(Altos)You sent me back my ring
(Sopranos)You sent me back my broken heart
Now it's a worthless thing
Now it's a worthless thing
Ah
Now it's a worthless thing
(Second Sopranos)I'm going to the river
(Sopranos)I'm going to the river
I'm going to the sea
To throw my heart away
It's no more use to me
It's no more use to me
Oooh
Go 'way from my window
So I guess that doesn't really make much sense if you haven't heard it, but it a beautiful song. Perhaps I shall see if I can download it or whatever. Yeah. Stopping now.
There was something that happened today, and I can't remember what it was, but I do remember being filled with such hate and anger, that I wanted to shoot whatever it was. Good thing I don't have a gun. Wheeehee, trigger happy!
And now, I am sad. Don't ask me why.
They're long, and boring, and most people are in pretty bad mood, myself included. Thank God spring break is arriving soon. I don't think I could handle it, otherwise. Curse this wretched era referred to as "teenage". Stupid...stupidness.
So tomorrow I have to stay and watch the rehearsals. That might be fun. In fact, I'm sure it will be, but I'm not looking forward to the entire school day in front of it. Damn it...double social. And art. Which is so not fun anymore.
You know what is a fabulous song? Every Breath You Take by The Police. Yes, it's about a creepy stalker-type character, but it has a great tune, and if you forget the scary "I'm watching you" bit, it's a really heartfelt song. Personally, I like the stalker touch. No reason. Speaking of music, piano is proving easier than I thought. Hooray for musical talent. And by talent, I mean I can play...two songs...that aren't actual songs. Shut up.
I would just like to apologize-again-for the whole Skiing Jesus thing. And today, I walked into a pole, but that was Stephen and Dan's fault. Jerks. Jeez. Way to make me walk into a pole, guys.
Guys, I really need something to do. I mean, I just got all of my clothes ready for the week, and on Wednesday, I'm going to be very bright. Although thats partly for my choir performance piece. Shake the Papaya Down is such a quaint little song. And, on the topic of choir songs, I shall type one up that makes my heart very sad. It almost brings a tear to the eye.
Go Away From My Window-American Folk Song
(It's in three parts, but I'll mostly just type the soprano bit...cause thats the part I know.)
Go 'way from my window
Go 'way from my door
Oh please go from this heart of mine
And trouble me no more
And trouble me no more
No more
(Second Sopranos)You sent me back my letters
(Altos)You sent me back my ring
(Sopranos)You sent me back my broken heart
Now it's a worthless thing
Now it's a worthless thing
Ah
Now it's a worthless thing
(Second Sopranos)I'm going to the river
(Sopranos)I'm going to the river
I'm going to the sea
To throw my heart away
It's no more use to me
It's no more use to me
Oooh
Go 'way from my window
So I guess that doesn't really make much sense if you haven't heard it, but it a beautiful song. Perhaps I shall see if I can download it or whatever. Yeah. Stopping now.
There was something that happened today, and I can't remember what it was, but I do remember being filled with such hate and anger, that I wanted to shoot whatever it was. Good thing I don't have a gun. Wheeehee, trigger happy!
And now, I am sad. Don't ask me why.
Sunday, March 28, 2004
Awake at night, trying not to bleed all over the place.
Had a nosebleed for apparently no reason. Icky.
So, welcome to early Monday morning. Ugh. I had homework I think. Meh. Didn't do it.
So, how are you, faithful reader? I'm not so great. Seriously, people, please please please don't let me listen to depressing music, like Our Lady Peace and Skeeter Davis. It makes me sad, and then I cry. Bitterly. Oh, and a word from the wise, don't eat popcorn and milk. I did, and it made my stomach sad. So very very sad.
There was something I was going to do tomorrow. Perhaps waste my lunch money on crazy overpriced Hello Kitty merchandise? Yeah, that sounds about right. Because, you know, why eat when I can buy cute stuff? I'm never that hungry anyway. Actually, there was a pencil box I wished to purchase, but I bought the little angel kitty instead. I know, I'll save up all week and go on Friday to the shop. Woohoo!
Guess what!? I have a brilliant new plan to get through life by! And it is: to lie. It seems to work for everyone else, so I thought I'd give it a shot, and by jove it worked. I lied on Friday, and that was easy. And then again before that. And Saturday night. I hate lies, I truly truly do, but hey, it's so super easy! If I had known it was so easy, I would have tried it years ago. I mean, you all gave me advice by lying to me yourself, so I suppose I'm just joining the "in" crowd. Good for me!
Sorry...listening to depressing music and being bitter. My apologies.
(See! I'm getting so good at this!)
Had a nosebleed for apparently no reason. Icky.
So, welcome to early Monday morning. Ugh. I had homework I think. Meh. Didn't do it.
So, how are you, faithful reader? I'm not so great. Seriously, people, please please please don't let me listen to depressing music, like Our Lady Peace and Skeeter Davis. It makes me sad, and then I cry. Bitterly. Oh, and a word from the wise, don't eat popcorn and milk. I did, and it made my stomach sad. So very very sad.
There was something I was going to do tomorrow. Perhaps waste my lunch money on crazy overpriced Hello Kitty merchandise? Yeah, that sounds about right. Because, you know, why eat when I can buy cute stuff? I'm never that hungry anyway. Actually, there was a pencil box I wished to purchase, but I bought the little angel kitty instead. I know, I'll save up all week and go on Friday to the shop. Woohoo!
Guess what!? I have a brilliant new plan to get through life by! And it is: to lie. It seems to work for everyone else, so I thought I'd give it a shot, and by jove it worked. I lied on Friday, and that was easy. And then again before that. And Saturday night. I hate lies, I truly truly do, but hey, it's so super easy! If I had known it was so easy, I would have tried it years ago. I mean, you all gave me advice by lying to me yourself, so I suppose I'm just joining the "in" crowd. Good for me!
Sorry...listening to depressing music and being bitter. My apologies.
(See! I'm getting so good at this!)
God smote me. (Happy Birthday, Sharon!)
Yes, whilst skiing, God smote me. The asshole.
So I had a pretty crappy weekend, all in all. Nothing bad in paticular happened, but I'm still kinda cranky. Friday wasn't much fun-school rarely is-and the weekend was not as restful as I had hoped is would be. Friday I wore my ever-so-pretty-not-very-comfortbale new shoes and as gorgeous as they are, it required all of my concentration just to walk. I had a balancing act going on worthy of Cirque du Soliel. Holy crap, does my right side ever hurt, what from falling after being smote. Well, I suppose I deserve it, what with claiming to be Skiing Jesus, and all...
It was...Friday or Saturday night, and I glanced out the window. I saw a star, and said the old poem:
Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight
Wish I may, wish I might
Grant the wish I make tonight
Hey, Star. I know you are just a ghost of a ball of gas churning in space millions of lightyears away, but if you can someway grant my wish...well, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks.
And then I proceeded to do so. That's what happens when I am bored, you see.
I really really really don't want to face the world tomorrow. I don't want to face the world at all.
Hahah...school uniform...how quaint!
Yes, whilst skiing, God smote me. The asshole.
So I had a pretty crappy weekend, all in all. Nothing bad in paticular happened, but I'm still kinda cranky. Friday wasn't much fun-school rarely is-and the weekend was not as restful as I had hoped is would be. Friday I wore my ever-so-pretty-not-very-comfortbale new shoes and as gorgeous as they are, it required all of my concentration just to walk. I had a balancing act going on worthy of Cirque du Soliel. Holy crap, does my right side ever hurt, what from falling after being smote. Well, I suppose I deserve it, what with claiming to be Skiing Jesus, and all...
It was...Friday or Saturday night, and I glanced out the window. I saw a star, and said the old poem:
Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight
Wish I may, wish I might
Grant the wish I make tonight
Hey, Star. I know you are just a ghost of a ball of gas churning in space millions of lightyears away, but if you can someway grant my wish...well, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks.
And then I proceeded to do so. That's what happens when I am bored, you see.
I really really really don't want to face the world tomorrow. I don't want to face the world at all.
Hahah...school uniform...how quaint!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
