Wish I Could Meditate...

But I'm no good at it. I will be sitting in my room, eyes closes, just about to achieve enlightenment or something and a weird thought will enter my head...Maybe if I convinced my cat to lick the floor clean I wouldn't have to sweep...
It hasn't worked yet.
Anyway, today after work I had to wait almost an hour for the bus, so I went for a stroll in my old neighbourhood. It was crazy nostalgic! I thought of things I thought I'd forgotten. I saw the hill where I fell of my bike and bashed my ankle on a rock, leaving a deep cut that healed over with gravel inside it. I still have the scar. I saw the basketball court where I the boys play. I saw the tree where I struck a match and burnt my finger and refused to tell my mother how it happened because I knew she'd be mad. I saw the park, where I spent so much of my time. I saw the fence that me and my sister used to peek through to look at the farmer's field with the cows. There's a road there now. I walked up the path I used to skateboard down. I passed my old house. The tree outside it is big now. I remembered my old bedroom...the one at the top of the staircase, with the sky blue paint and the wallpaper with the ribbons on it. As I wandered slowly away, someone asked if I was lost, and if I was looking for someone's house. I said, no, thanks, I was close to where I was headed. I walked across the street my beloved cat Amber was killed on, and wondered why I felt more home in my memories than in my real life. But when I finally walked through my door, into the kitchen which smelled like sweet peas, I knew I was home here. Yay for me.
Dude...my blog sucks ass.

I'm Angry And I'm Not Going To Hide It.

You don't even care, you don't even care! For a month I've had nothing but time for the wounds to become scars, and then you show up, acting like everything is fine and dandy, and here I am with a month's worth of rage and nowhere to put it. I swear, I don't know whether to smack you or just completely ignore you or what. I'm sick of living inside this lie, telling all my friends that everything is okay, especially when I get nothing out of it. FUCK, YOU DIDN'T EVEN ASK ME HOW MY SUMMER IS GOING!!! IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU, ISN'T IT?! YOU DON'T EVEN CARE, YOU DON'T EVEN CARE!











And through it all, I still love you. You bastard.

You Know What, Subconcious? Fuck You.

That's right, you heard me. I don't know what stunt you're trying to pull, but it is really pissing me off. So just quit it, okay? Don't make me come up there...
Sorry, a weird coincidence has come to pass and I've come to dislike it when I think about something and then, moments later, it happens. Because it really throws me off guard.
New topic! Yesterday was serious fucking fun. Just me and three friends, in a Jeep, which, although a highly unsafe vehicle, is a tremendously fun ride, especially when zooming along Deerfoot. We played pool, and DDR, and went to Denny's where the waitresses were staring at us because we were laughing like crazy. And then we went and ran through some city park sprinklers and got completely soaked, and there were these stupid little kids there who were complete fucktards and eventually we scared them away. I laughed pretty much the whole day, and we swore sufficiently, and it was just good ol' plain fun.
And now I need to go and battle with my teenage angst, because the bitch is welling up again but I really don't feel like being depressed, thankyou. I'll have to face this sooner or later, but not now. I want to be free just a little bit longer.

Musical Quote of the Day

"Shot through the heart
And you're to blame
You give love a bad name
I play my part
And you play your game
You give love a bad name"

-Jon Bon Jovi Title: You Give Love A Bad Name
T'is a wicked song.
Laundry time!

Eventful Journey Home

So I was over at Kari's last night, hiding from my mother, and having a Fruits Basket-a-thon (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHATSOHARU'SACOW!!!!) and ODing on fast food and Skittles. After waking up today at 3:30 pm, we finished watching the DVD's and I went home. At Marlborough Station, I bumped into Ahmed from Drama Society, who I've seen a few times since May on sheer coincidence. We chatted for a while and then I hopped the train home. It was one of the new trains, where all the seats face once direction. I got in the first car in the door furthest from the front, and all the seats where facing the back of the train. I chose an empty seat plat-form side, and we were off to Rundle. I was looking out the window, thinking about nothing in particular, and we pulled in to Rundle Station.
Here's the weird part.
As the train was stopped, and I was staring blankly not really looking at anything, movement outside of the window got my attention. A guy, probably about 18 or 19, with curly brown hair and a nice-looking face had put his hard hat down on the platform, and his Asian friend was just watching him. He walked up to the window, looked at me, put two fingers together against the glass, and drew a big heart with his fingers around my head. I thought for a moment it was someone I knew, but it was a complete stranger. When his fingers met again at the bottom of the heart, I was looking up at him with what must have been a look of mild confusion and surprise on my face. Then I smiled. Not even a really big smile, just the corners of my mouth turning up in the way you smile when a stranger does something nice for you. A little but polite smile. It was the strangest thing. There wasn't even any real reaction from me after that, either. I was trying to figure out why a complete stranger would stop and draw a heart around my head. Presumable I didn't look as hellish as I thought I would after a night of sheer crazyness what with the sugarfest and not having a toothbrush or washing my face, and wearing a dress that could do with an iron. It was really nice...it sort of made my day, I suppose. It may have just been a joke on his part, but when he turned to pick up his hat, neither he nor his friend were laughing. In fact, his friend looked as confused as I did. However, flattering though it was, I still felt, still feel a little strange and I don't really know why. Maybe because it made me miss the someone who has my heart. Just a little.
Anyway, I'm off to shower. Sayonara!

Musical Quote of the Day

"Now that you're gone
Who am I without you now?
I can't go on
Just wanna be with you"

-Enrique Iglesius Title: I Just Wanna Be With You
Keeping in mind that I really don't like Enrique Iglesius, I just like this one song. It seems appropriate. Except maybe not quite so sappy and desperate. Just a teensy bit, I swear!

Wheeee, The Rocket is AWESOME!

I got a new, anime-esque, purple dress...with screen printing! Not that I am condoning the clubbing of baby seals...nevermind, you'll understand when you see the dress. It's FREAKING AWESOME!
I wannanother bubbleteaaaaa!

Damn You, Ginny Weasley...Damn You...

I am really tired and I will tell you why. I woke up at about 1:00 pm, on Friday. I went to work, I came home. I then stayed up all night reading Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Then I had 40 minutes of sleep before work. Then I went to work where I was so tired I could hardly even speak coherently. I came home and fell asleep, and awoke to my mother bearing pizza boxes for dinner. I ate most of a vegetarian pizza with black olives, rolled over, and went back to sleep. And I woke up about an hour ago. And I am just so damned tired, still.
Wheee! Chinese yo-yo's are fun!
Anyway, I am going to go and draw three catgirls of my own creatin, who I plan on doing in a highly detailed manner. There names are Champaign, Peridot, and Myrrh.
I need to draw more guys...

Musical Quote of the Day

"And all the miles that separate
It's all so clear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm hear without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm hear without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me"

-Three Doors Down Title: Here Without You

I use this song because when I do sleep, my dreams are full of visions of what I'm going to call "The Encounter". I pretend not to know, not to think about it, but in actual fact my mind is constantly revolving around this, I just mask it pretty well. I try to forget, but it's different this time. I know it is, because my body is telling me so in a physical sense. For example, I was talking with a friend who, for sake of amonimity, I will call Giraffe. Giraffe revealed to me some information about "The Encounter" that I did not know, and it scared me. He went to look for more to tell me, so as to maybe calm me down and answer some questions. During this MSN conversation, there were long periods of time where Giraffe was away, searching his computer files for something to tell me as I e-screamed questions at him. I sat here, in my spaghetti strap and panties, and I had previously been fine. But by now I was shivering violently. I felt my forehead, and it was covered in clammy sweat. No matter what I did, I couldn't stop shaking. I felt sick, like the bottom of my stomach had fallen out and thought any minute I was going to vomit. And then I realized why I was trembling so much; I was quaking with supressed sobs. Giraffe came back, and told me to calm down, it wasn't what I thought it was. I was in the middle of typing a very angry email to the cause of my pain, but Giraffe said that it was okay, and there was no need to panic. But that's how I knew it is different. My body has never had such an immediate and violent reaction to anything like that before. At least I didn't send that email...that would have sucked.


You know what I hate (on a completely different note)? Giant clams. I went to the seafood department to return a bad fish so that they could dispose of it properly, and I was walking past the big tanks of fish, lobsters, crabs, mussels and oysters, etc etc etc. It was sufficiently grossing me out. I love seafood, but only when it's dead and called sushi. So I leant over a tank to give the attendant back the fish, and I looked down. It was giant clams. I think. Anyway, I saw the characteristic shell, held closed with elastic bands, but then I saw something that made me wretch. Coming out of the clams was I assume their innards. Long, thick, orange tubes of whatever the hell is inside clams. I know that clams use them like suction elastics to move around. They send their...extension...out to cling on to something, and then they reel themselves in. I, however, could think of nothing else except Chris's highly useful information on the clam's penis, which, proportionate to it's body, has the world's longest penis. And as I walked away, grimacing, trying to figure out how (and why) clam's have sex anyway, I decided that I am never going to eat clams. Giant or otherwise.