I would like to thank Emily and Anthony for being really good friends when I couldn't get a hold of anyone else. You both made me laugh and put my feelings at rest.
What is on my schedule today? Be ignored by my mother until she goes to work, practice for my final choir project, go to babysit some annoying children, come home, crawl into bed, dream of better places and better people. Sounds like a plan.
What the FUCK is her problem? She comes in here, and says in the harshest voice I have ever heard; "Katie? Did you use two clean towels in the shower?" "No. Meagan used the big orange one, then I used it, then I put that towel in the laundry because it was dirty and damp." "Oh." And then she makes a horrible face as if to say "What a bitch! How dare she put dirty towels in the laundry!?" and turns her head and storms off. Well, I'm sure I'm sorry if I had a good excuse, and that you didn't have something else to bitch me out for. God, she says I need counceling. Maybe she should go. She's the fucking Nazi phsyco.
Thank God she has to go to work. I thought I'd never be free. I don't know how long it will be before she starts being nice again, but I haven't had a kind word said to me by her for three days. Does something to your emotional balance.
Fuck...
Saturday, May 17, 2003
Friday, May 16, 2003
I am going to have a fun time.
Anthony and myself have made a bet. My winning of two pizza's at the end of grade twelve is riding on this bet. I want that pizza
I have to wear my hair in two pigtails/braids/buns/twists/etc etc until graduation. Everyday. This is going to rock. Hehehehe...I'm gonna win!
Of course, at the grad dance, everyone will be all "Whoa! You hair isn't in pigtails!" It will rock. Provided by that time we can afford a graduation dance. I'm thinking ahead.
And I have to babysit...Oh well, I'll have cash for Otafest. FUKU!!!
Anthony and myself have made a bet. My winning of two pizza's at the end of grade twelve is riding on this bet. I want that pizza
I have to wear my hair in two pigtails/braids/buns/twists/etc etc until graduation. Everyday. This is going to rock. Hehehehe...I'm gonna win!
Of course, at the grad dance, everyone will be all "Whoa! You hair isn't in pigtails!" It will rock. Provided by that time we can afford a graduation dance. I'm thinking ahead.
And I have to babysit...Oh well, I'll have cash for Otafest. FUKU!!!
Well, I've had it up to here. That's right, up to here. One day, everyone will regret saying a harsh word to me, or, more accurately, never saying a word to me at all. When I have made it big in this world, with money in my pocket and a dazzling future waiting for me just outside of my front door, and I step out, without a word of goodbye, then they'll be sorry.
They'll walk down the street, alone, and see pictures of me, hear people talk about me, about how wonderful I am and how even though no one really understood me as a kid, I just dropped all my baggage and moved on and grew up, and the people who are close to me now have everything. And the people who were close to me in the past must just be kicking themselves to let someone as amazing as me go. And it will be true. All my friends in the future will be well taken care of, as a token of my gratitude, but the people who hurt me in the past will be left with no trace of me, except the guilt.
But when they come over, just to say hello, to appologize, I won't turn them away. I am not like that. I will bring them into my lovely home, and show them my family, if I have one, and my drawings, and the tools of my trade, and I will have meals prepared for them, and they can stay in my house, as long as they like. They will meet my new friends, and be sheltered and loved by me.
But that is not all.
Whenever they look out the window of their room, they will see me, playing in the yard, in the midday sun, with my dogs and my horses, then sit on the swing with a cat in my lap whilst I read or draw. And I will see them and smile, and they will look at me. And they will know that the little girl who often sat away from the family, and was ignored for days at a time, and was told that her hair was ugly, and that her clothes of choice were ugly, and that her future would go down the drain, and that they said this because they loved her, will be gone. That teenager who talked back and was misunderstood, her art and her thoughts, will be gone. And I will be a young woman, and they will see me, from the big window, and look into my eyes, and see all the blood of those people spilt, they are gone, they are dead, and they will see that I am happy. Without them.
And that will hurt them more then I alone ever could.
And that will make me happier.
And if you don't like this paticular entry, if you think it uncharacteristic and strange, and it makes you uneasy, chances are, you are one of those people who will be staring at me from the guest room of my house.
I'll see you there.
They'll walk down the street, alone, and see pictures of me, hear people talk about me, about how wonderful I am and how even though no one really understood me as a kid, I just dropped all my baggage and moved on and grew up, and the people who are close to me now have everything. And the people who were close to me in the past must just be kicking themselves to let someone as amazing as me go. And it will be true. All my friends in the future will be well taken care of, as a token of my gratitude, but the people who hurt me in the past will be left with no trace of me, except the guilt.
But when they come over, just to say hello, to appologize, I won't turn them away. I am not like that. I will bring them into my lovely home, and show them my family, if I have one, and my drawings, and the tools of my trade, and I will have meals prepared for them, and they can stay in my house, as long as they like. They will meet my new friends, and be sheltered and loved by me.
But that is not all.
Whenever they look out the window of their room, they will see me, playing in the yard, in the midday sun, with my dogs and my horses, then sit on the swing with a cat in my lap whilst I read or draw. And I will see them and smile, and they will look at me. And they will know that the little girl who often sat away from the family, and was ignored for days at a time, and was told that her hair was ugly, and that her clothes of choice were ugly, and that her future would go down the drain, and that they said this because they loved her, will be gone. That teenager who talked back and was misunderstood, her art and her thoughts, will be gone. And I will be a young woman, and they will see me, from the big window, and look into my eyes, and see all the blood of those people spilt, they are gone, they are dead, and they will see that I am happy. Without them.
And that will hurt them more then I alone ever could.
And that will make me happier.
And if you don't like this paticular entry, if you think it uncharacteristic and strange, and it makes you uneasy, chances are, you are one of those people who will be staring at me from the guest room of my house.
I'll see you there.
Thursday, May 15, 2003
Wednesday, May 14, 2003
Attention all teenagers! GET OUT AND WALK!
Instead of taking the bus to traverse the few blocks from Marina's house to mine, I walked. Now my legs are throbbing, and it is because my blood is full of fresh oxygen that cannot be breathed in a school, so the blood that usually sits stagnant in other various and useless parts of my body, like my brain, started moving and it feels good.
OW! HOLY FUCK!!! To prove my point, I kicked my legs, and banged my toe against the computer table. Godammit!
Instead of taking the bus to traverse the few blocks from Marina's house to mine, I walked. Now my legs are throbbing, and it is because my blood is full of fresh oxygen that cannot be breathed in a school, so the blood that usually sits stagnant in other various and useless parts of my body, like my brain, started moving and it feels good.
OW! HOLY FUCK!!! To prove my point, I kicked my legs, and banged my toe against the computer table. Godammit!
Tuesday, May 13, 2003
This is so unfair!
So lately, I was thinking of talking my mom into letting me get a dog. I was thinking of my old dog, and how fun and cute she was. I mean, I love my cat's to death, but dogs are really good pets.
So. My sister had $500.00 dollars spent on her glasses, and my pair were free. Meagan scratched the car. Her first day of driving, and she scratched the car. Her punishment? My parents are getting her heart's desire; one of the old models of a VW Beatle. It's going to cost $2000.00! And all I want is a puppy!
So lately, I was thinking of talking my mom into letting me get a dog. I was thinking of my old dog, and how fun and cute she was. I mean, I love my cat's to death, but dogs are really good pets.
So. My sister had $500.00 dollars spent on her glasses, and my pair were free. Meagan scratched the car. Her first day of driving, and she scratched the car. Her punishment? My parents are getting her heart's desire; one of the old models of a VW Beatle. It's going to cost $2000.00! And all I want is a puppy!
Why why why did my mother have to move the furniture? Couldn't just stay where it was, could it? Noo-ooooo! Had to move and change! All I wanted to do was walk into my living room, tired and content, and see everything just as I left it, in my nice little apartment and cozy living room, and my mother KILLED THE DREAM!!! STABBED IT IN THE HEART WITH THE KNIFE OF FURNITURE-MOVING!!! STABBY!!!
But, as Val would say, I digress.
I am really enjoying this weather. I cannot wait for Otafest. It will be a blast! If only I could find my neko ears. And I have to choose a fuku. Red and long, slate grey and medium, or brown plaid and short? Which to chose!?
But, as Val would say, I digress.
I am really enjoying this weather. I cannot wait for Otafest. It will be a blast! If only I could find my neko ears. And I have to choose a fuku. Red and long, slate grey and medium, or brown plaid and short? Which to chose!?
Monday, May 12, 2003
Coolest dream EVAH!
Basically, Emily, Val, and myself were in an old farmhouse, full of sunlight, with nice white furniture and yellow walls. A couple other people, including Sarah Estrin, were just laughing and sipping tea in this plain farmhouse. Then Val opened the front door, and I followed her onto the porch. She looked at me, and said pleasantly "It's time to build the world anew." Suddenly I knew we had been empowered by Satan to recreate the world, which, while we all played in the farmhouse, had been wiped out. I mean, the planet wasn't gone, but all forms of the modern world had just been...erased. All we can see is a dark green field and a blue sky. We were not going to make the world evil. Satan just wanted us to build it in our normal, slightly odd way.
So anyway, Emily sits at the computer and says "I'm going to do it from here." Sarah says she will stay with her. Val and I agree that we will go and create the world. I look at my arms, and they are adorned with brown feathers. It's like I'm an angel, and I say "It's like on Dogma." So Val just starts flying through the air, wingless, and I'm flapping my tatty brown feather arms as hard as I can, trying to keep up. Then we come to this city, full of devoutly Christian people. This pisses us off. I mean, what the Hell are they doing, blistering the face of our perfect blank world? We start flying low, through the skinny streets. All the buildings are dark and have buzzing neon signs. But it is broad daylight, so the streets are bright. Val and I decide to get rid of them...or at least piss them off.
For some reason, we head for a school for blind children. We're inside, and all the kids are just hanging out, and their parents are in a line, signing them up for the school. The parents, who are not blind, can see me. By this time, Val is off somewhere to do something. I think she had gone to do some graffiti (I didn't know why. They won't see it!). All the parents, especially a harsh looking woman with short blonde hair, are staring at me. I'm leaning casually, feathered arms and all, against a wall, near the children. There are a lot of crosses on the walls, and everyone has Jesus articles around their necks. So I decide to do something that will really and truly offend them. This is why I woke up laughing.
"BARMITZVAH BARMITZVAH BARMITZVAH!!!" I start screaming and laughing, at the top of my lungs, flapping my dirty feather arms.
Then I woke up laughing so hard I thought I was going to pee my pants, but luckily I did not. Emily laughed when I told her. And rightly so.
Coolest dream EVAH!
Basically, Emily, Val, and myself were in an old farmhouse, full of sunlight, with nice white furniture and yellow walls. A couple other people, including Sarah Estrin, were just laughing and sipping tea in this plain farmhouse. Then Val opened the front door, and I followed her onto the porch. She looked at me, and said pleasantly "It's time to build the world anew." Suddenly I knew we had been empowered by Satan to recreate the world, which, while we all played in the farmhouse, had been wiped out. I mean, the planet wasn't gone, but all forms of the modern world had just been...erased. All we can see is a dark green field and a blue sky. We were not going to make the world evil. Satan just wanted us to build it in our normal, slightly odd way.
So anyway, Emily sits at the computer and says "I'm going to do it from here." Sarah says she will stay with her. Val and I agree that we will go and create the world. I look at my arms, and they are adorned with brown feathers. It's like I'm an angel, and I say "It's like on Dogma." So Val just starts flying through the air, wingless, and I'm flapping my tatty brown feather arms as hard as I can, trying to keep up. Then we come to this city, full of devoutly Christian people. This pisses us off. I mean, what the Hell are they doing, blistering the face of our perfect blank world? We start flying low, through the skinny streets. All the buildings are dark and have buzzing neon signs. But it is broad daylight, so the streets are bright. Val and I decide to get rid of them...or at least piss them off.
For some reason, we head for a school for blind children. We're inside, and all the kids are just hanging out, and their parents are in a line, signing them up for the school. The parents, who are not blind, can see me. By this time, Val is off somewhere to do something. I think she had gone to do some graffiti (I didn't know why. They won't see it!). All the parents, especially a harsh looking woman with short blonde hair, are staring at me. I'm leaning casually, feathered arms and all, against a wall, near the children. There are a lot of crosses on the walls, and everyone has Jesus articles around their necks. So I decide to do something that will really and truly offend them. This is why I woke up laughing.
"BARMITZVAH BARMITZVAH BARMITZVAH!!!" I start screaming and laughing, at the top of my lungs, flapping my dirty feather arms.
Then I woke up laughing so hard I thought I was going to pee my pants, but luckily I did not. Emily laughed when I told her. And rightly so.
Coolest dream EVAH!
Sunday, May 11, 2003
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU-OU! HAPPY BRITHDAY TO YOU!
Bet you are all wondering who I am singing Happy Birthday to? You'll never guess!
My CAT!!!!
Edgar Allan Poe the III-apparently there is an"Edgar Allan Poe the II" already. He is an actor- will be turning 7 tomorrow. That is 49 in cat years! That's the longest I've ever had a pet, before it died or was run over or we had to give it away! Well, excluding the budgie. She's really a charming thing, but I love Poe more. He's a kitty. So anyway, I love him to bits and he is the cutest cat ever.
By the way, Tyler, I hope you finally took the dead gecko out of the cage. It scared me.
Tomorrow I have to pick up some flowers at the shop for my mom. I think I will enjoy it. It will be ever so quaint, walking in there in my new fuku and my little black shoes, buying something homely and innocent. It makes me want to go to a little town where everyone knows everyone else, like the one I where I lived in Scotland, and buy flowers. Except not, because sometime soon I want to go rollerblading, and that is not a good idea on a quiet country dirt path. Especially for me. I can't rollerblade well. At all. I will learn!!!
Must...work..on...comic! Mua, Jack is a total perv.
Bet you are all wondering who I am singing Happy Birthday to? You'll never guess!
My CAT!!!!
Edgar Allan Poe the III-apparently there is an"Edgar Allan Poe the II" already. He is an actor- will be turning 7 tomorrow. That is 49 in cat years! That's the longest I've ever had a pet, before it died or was run over or we had to give it away! Well, excluding the budgie. She's really a charming thing, but I love Poe more. He's a kitty. So anyway, I love him to bits and he is the cutest cat ever.
By the way, Tyler, I hope you finally took the dead gecko out of the cage. It scared me.
Tomorrow I have to pick up some flowers at the shop for my mom. I think I will enjoy it. It will be ever so quaint, walking in there in my new fuku and my little black shoes, buying something homely and innocent. It makes me want to go to a little town where everyone knows everyone else, like the one I where I lived in Scotland, and buy flowers. Except not, because sometime soon I want to go rollerblading, and that is not a good idea on a quiet country dirt path. Especially for me. I can't rollerblade well. At all. I will learn!!!
Must...work..on...comic! Mua, Jack is a total perv.
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