Candy Cane Heaven
Howdy, y'all. So, here I am, in Kevin's basement, eating a candy cane that tastes awesome. In fact, everything is awesome. I quit my horrible job, and I hate Debbitch and I hope she dies and burns in Hell like she deserves. But that's just my vindictive side talking. Seriously. Evil evil woman. She can eat my ass. Eat it!
Anyway, things are good.
Oh, hi Mrs Kevin's Mom. She's so cool.
It would appear that I am merely rambling. Oh well, sometimes it's nice to have a good ramble. I mean, what else should I talk about? I'm too content to go around analyzing everything.
Hiiiiiiiiii Indyyyyy! What a cute pusskin you are! Squishes! Awwwwww...he hates me. Poor pusskin.
Musical Quote of the Day
"Disarm you with a smile
And cut you like you want me to
Cut that little child
Inside of me and such a part of you
Oh the years burn"
-Smashing Pumpkins Title: Disarm
Yeah, this was the song playing on Kevin's playlist at the time. He's currently upstairs and I am amusing myself by surfing the web...no porno, though. Damn.
Saturday, December 10, 2005
Friday, December 09, 2005
Alright. Fine.
Way to take away my happy, Mom.
So, mom comes in this morning, yelling her favourite phrase at me. "It's not good enough!" No, so I've heard. Anyway, she's going on and on, and all I could think of was the fact that last night, when I got home, I was so tired, I didn't even change. I got down to my panties and socks, crawled into bed, hair still up and glasses still on, and fell asleep with the lamp on. I was pleasantly content in this thought, knowing I had a good sleep, at least, and then I heard my mother say "If I get home today and find anything not in it's place, it's going in your room!" and then she stomped off. I imagined things that don't belong to me, like books and knitting and God knows what else my sister has left lying around, thrown in my room. It made me so angry. So very very angry. I didn't say anything to Mom (duh, I'm not stupid) and just thought...why is it, that this house isn't allowed to look lived in? So what, my binder is propped up by the computer? It's not hurting anybody. It's like....a house should be tidy, but this is bordering on OCD. I came to a decision. Instead of going to school, I'm going to stay home and clean the whole house, before I go to work. I have a small glimmer of hope that this will be enough to shut her up.
Of course, what I must remember is that nothing, no matter what I do, will ever be good enough. I'm not doing this for her, really, anyway. I'm doing it so that in my heart I'll know I tried.
Musical Quote of the Day
"Please take me by the hand
It's so cold out tonight
I'll put the blankets on the bed
I won't turn out the light
Just don't forget to
Think about me
And I won't forget you
'I'll write you once a week' she said
Why does it feel the same
To fall in love or break it off
And if young love is just a game
I must have missed the kick off
Don't depend on me
To ever follow though on anything
But I'd go through Hell for you
And I haven't been this scared in a long time
And I'm so unprepared
So here's your Valentine
Bouquet of clumsy words
A simple melody
The world's an ugly place
But you're so beautiful to me"
-Blink 182 Title: Going Away To College
How annoyingly and pleasantly apt.
Oh, and as an update, as I was cleaning the kitchen, it saddened me to find Skittles the budgie dead on the floor of her cage. Now, I never particularily liked Skittles. We've had her for about nine years. She was my sister's bird, anyway, but I ended up feeding, watering, and cleaning her because Meagan kept forgetting. So I didn't like her that much. In anycase, I knelt down, and felt tears spring to my eyes, looking at that small blue and white bird, twisted and awkward, her eye black, sunken, and blind. She must have died during the night. I said "Will anyone but me notice you're gone?" I removed the lid of the cage, shooed Grace away, and gently picked her up. She was very soft, but stone cold. I brushed off the seeds that had stuck to her corpse, and wrapped her in clean paper towels. She weighed almost nothing. I got my boots and went into the sunny, windy, melting backyard, and dug a hole in the garden with a kitchen spoon. I crouched, and opened the paper towel shrowd to look at her one last time. She had landed on her stomach, but I held her on her back. One wing was across her stomach, the other stretched to the side. Her little feet and beak were clenched and tight in death, and her head was tilted up and twisted to the left. The white feathers around her face had turned an odd shade of pink. Even though I had never liked her, I felt so sorry for that little bird. It felt even stranger, because I am wearing blue and white, and my shirt has wings on it, which was so odd. I folded her stiff wings to her sides, to a position that looks more comfortable, and re-wrapped her. I placed her gently into the grave, and her to rest in peace. Because it seemed like the right thing to do.
Way to take away my happy, Mom.
So, mom comes in this morning, yelling her favourite phrase at me. "It's not good enough!" No, so I've heard. Anyway, she's going on and on, and all I could think of was the fact that last night, when I got home, I was so tired, I didn't even change. I got down to my panties and socks, crawled into bed, hair still up and glasses still on, and fell asleep with the lamp on. I was pleasantly content in this thought, knowing I had a good sleep, at least, and then I heard my mother say "If I get home today and find anything not in it's place, it's going in your room!" and then she stomped off. I imagined things that don't belong to me, like books and knitting and God knows what else my sister has left lying around, thrown in my room. It made me so angry. So very very angry. I didn't say anything to Mom (duh, I'm not stupid) and just thought...why is it, that this house isn't allowed to look lived in? So what, my binder is propped up by the computer? It's not hurting anybody. It's like....a house should be tidy, but this is bordering on OCD. I came to a decision. Instead of going to school, I'm going to stay home and clean the whole house, before I go to work. I have a small glimmer of hope that this will be enough to shut her up.
Of course, what I must remember is that nothing, no matter what I do, will ever be good enough. I'm not doing this for her, really, anyway. I'm doing it so that in my heart I'll know I tried.
Musical Quote of the Day
"Please take me by the hand
It's so cold out tonight
I'll put the blankets on the bed
I won't turn out the light
Just don't forget to
Think about me
And I won't forget you
'I'll write you once a week' she said
Why does it feel the same
To fall in love or break it off
And if young love is just a game
I must have missed the kick off
Don't depend on me
To ever follow though on anything
But I'd go through Hell for you
And I haven't been this scared in a long time
And I'm so unprepared
So here's your Valentine
Bouquet of clumsy words
A simple melody
The world's an ugly place
But you're so beautiful to me"
-Blink 182 Title: Going Away To College
How annoyingly and pleasantly apt.
Oh, and as an update, as I was cleaning the kitchen, it saddened me to find Skittles the budgie dead on the floor of her cage. Now, I never particularily liked Skittles. We've had her for about nine years. She was my sister's bird, anyway, but I ended up feeding, watering, and cleaning her because Meagan kept forgetting. So I didn't like her that much. In anycase, I knelt down, and felt tears spring to my eyes, looking at that small blue and white bird, twisted and awkward, her eye black, sunken, and blind. She must have died during the night. I said "Will anyone but me notice you're gone?" I removed the lid of the cage, shooed Grace away, and gently picked her up. She was very soft, but stone cold. I brushed off the seeds that had stuck to her corpse, and wrapped her in clean paper towels. She weighed almost nothing. I got my boots and went into the sunny, windy, melting backyard, and dug a hole in the garden with a kitchen spoon. I crouched, and opened the paper towel shrowd to look at her one last time. She had landed on her stomach, but I held her on her back. One wing was across her stomach, the other stretched to the side. Her little feet and beak were clenched and tight in death, and her head was tilted up and twisted to the left. The white feathers around her face had turned an odd shade of pink. Even though I had never liked her, I felt so sorry for that little bird. It felt even stranger, because I am wearing blue and white, and my shirt has wings on it, which was so odd. I folded her stiff wings to her sides, to a position that looks more comfortable, and re-wrapped her. I placed her gently into the grave, and her to rest in peace. Because it seemed like the right thing to do.
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Con...tent?
Yeah guys, my blog entries are lame with a capital LAME. Hahahaha, probably why I love them so much.
So, did anything interesting happen to me today? Well...I uh....oh! I got a Christmas pencil that has a snowglobe on the end, and inside the snowglobe is a plastic teddy bear! How festive!
Anyway, that is pretty much all I had to say...yeah, hence the title.
Yumme, orange juice!
Going now.
Yeah guys, my blog entries are lame with a capital LAME. Hahahaha, probably why I love them so much.
So, did anything interesting happen to me today? Well...I uh....oh! I got a Christmas pencil that has a snowglobe on the end, and inside the snowglobe is a plastic teddy bear! How festive!
Anyway, that is pretty much all I had to say...yeah, hence the title.
Yumme, orange juice!
Going now.
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
So Beautifully Close To Freedom
I'm quittin' this weekend. I can't take it anymore. I will no longer be Superstore's bitch.
Musical Quote of the Day
"I swear that I can go on forever again
Please let me know that my one bad day will end
I will go down as your lover
You friend
Give me you lips
And with one kiss
We begin
Are you afraid of being alone
'Cause I am
I'm lost without you
Are you afraid of leaving tonight
'Cause I am
I'm lost without you
I'll leave my room open 'til sunrise for you
I'll keep my eye patiently focused on you
Where are you know
I can hear footsteps
I'm dreaming
And if you will keep me from waking
To believe this"
-Blink 182 Title: I'm Lost Without You
Such a good song. Guys, I am soo happy today. Yay!
I'm quittin' this weekend. I can't take it anymore. I will no longer be Superstore's bitch.
Musical Quote of the Day
"I swear that I can go on forever again
Please let me know that my one bad day will end
I will go down as your lover
You friend
Give me you lips
And with one kiss
We begin
Are you afraid of being alone
'Cause I am
I'm lost without you
Are you afraid of leaving tonight
'Cause I am
I'm lost without you
I'll leave my room open 'til sunrise for you
I'll keep my eye patiently focused on you
Where are you know
I can hear footsteps
I'm dreaming
And if you will keep me from waking
To believe this"
-Blink 182 Title: I'm Lost Without You
Such a good song. Guys, I am soo happy today. Yay!
Monday, December 05, 2005
Too Grumpy To Blog
Except I'm blogging right now. Oh well. Nevermind.
Today was, for the most part, unpleasant.
Tomorrow had better be much improved, or I'm filing a complaint with God.
Musical Quote of the Day
"Whose to blame when it's not the best
That I can achieve"
-Magic Night Rayearth Title: Hold On To The Dream (opening theme)
I'm in a nerdy mood tonight.
Except I'm blogging right now. Oh well. Nevermind.
Today was, for the most part, unpleasant.
Tomorrow had better be much improved, or I'm filing a complaint with God.
Musical Quote of the Day
"Whose to blame when it's not the best
That I can achieve"
-Magic Night Rayearth Title: Hold On To The Dream (opening theme)
I'm in a nerdy mood tonight.
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