Sigh.

Well, things with my mom are better. She actually appologized for being grumpy yesterday.
But today, at rehearsal, I was grumpy. Some of the costumes look way too modern, which makes my costume look really...out of place. Anyway, somewhere inbetween all of the whining and bitching and selfishness from some of my fellow actors, we actually got some work done.
And I am tired because I got no sleep last night...but I just had a good nap. So yay!
Still tired.

Musical Quote of the Day

"Prison gates won't open up for me
On these hands and knees I'm crawling on
Oh I reach for you
Well I'm terrified of these four walls
These iron bars can't hold my soul in
All I need is you

Come please
I'm calling
And oh I scream for you
Hurry
I'm falling

Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
Say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth savin' me"

-Nickelback Title: Savin' me

Fuck It.

Yeah, that's right, I am damn pissed off at my mom. Yet again. Are we surprised, hells no! She's buying me clothes one minute and being a real hardass the next, and I just don't even give a shit anymore. Maybe I sound like a bitchy teenager, but you can all just eat my ass if you don't like it. Fuck! Honestly, I come home, ask my mom to take a form into her work for me, but she just gives me a lecture on doing things last minute, blah blah blah. Meanwhile, she hasn't answered my question so I'm getting irritated. And when I ask her again she flips out and just...AAAARGH! She says she doesn't see why she should have to "work her fingers to the bone" for me, and I'm thinking "Fuck, well, I didn't think taking a piece of paper to work and asking her colleages ONE QUESTION was too hard, but I sure as hell don't want to hear about any martydom" so I say "nevermind" which sets off a whole other chain of fuck-tastic events.
You know what? I'm more sad than angry. I want a mom like Kevin's mom, or Kari's aunt. Someone who instead of giving me unbridled scepticism and lectures, tells me they believe in me. Someone who, just because I'm 18, doesn't just say "too bad, so sad" when I might be having some problems. And it scares me to my core, that she may not decide to go to my wedding, that one day I might have children and end up saying to them "Sorry, kids, we can't go see Grandma because she and Mommy stopped talking to each other because Grandma's a bitch." But everytime these fights happen, everytime she makes me feel small, and I like I can't do whatever I dream of doing, I feel myself grow farther and farther away from her. But what scares me more than anything is that I think I may turn into a mother like her. That one day, should I ever have children, I will end up doing the same things to them. And I'll look into the mirror and see her face looking back at me.
I hate it, you know. I really, really do.

Musical Quote of the Day

"Sound the bugle now
Play it just for me
As the seasons change
Remember how I used to be
Now I can't go on
I can't even start
I got nothing left
Just an empty heart

I'm a soldier
Wounded so I must give up the fight
There's nothing more for me
Lead me away
Or leave me laying here

Sound the bugle now
Tell them I don't care
There's not a road I know
That leads to anywhere
Without a light
I fear that I will stumble in the dark
Lay right down
Decide not to go on

Then from on high
Somewhere in the distance
There's a voice that calls
'Remember who you are
If you lose yourself
Your courage soon will follow
So be strong tonight
Remember who you are'

Yeah you're a soldier now
Fighting in a battle
To be free once more
Yeah that's worth fighting for"

-Bryan Adams Title: Sound the Bugle

Stupid Biology...

The female reproductive system is a disgusting thing.
Ew.
Anyway, not much to talk about.
Nope.
Not much at all.
Um...?
Well, school was okay, I guess. At least most people were in a good mood. Rehearsal was a bit shaky, which was unpleasant, but it was not too bad.
Signing off.

P.S. NARNIA COMES OUT TOMORROW! FOR NARNIAAAAAAAAA! *rides off on unicorn*

Corporate Whore

I know...don't say "whore".
Anyway, my point is that today I dabbled in the pool or corporate whorishness. Specifically, Old Navy, Bluenotes, Transit, and Aldos. And, because I truly have nothing better to do, I am going to make an inventory here on my blog of what I got today. Actually, I have tonnes of better things to do, like memorize my script and do my biology, but I would rather do this.
Suck it up.

Old Navy
-chocolate brown blouse with frilly collar...my mom calls it the rack of lamb shirt. I don't know why.
-beige tote bag with pink crown and blue rose decal. I know, pink, but it's only a little!
-socklets (plain, white, pack o' 3...boring, but essential sockage.)
-pearl cream guaze mini. Yayay miniskirt season!

Aldos
-the fucking coolest hat. Ever. On sale.

Transit
-actually, my mom just went in there to buy shoes, but she did get me a shiny blue toe ring, or as I call it, toe bling.

Bluenotes
For the record, Bluenotes has awesome cute clothes and awesome AWESOME sales...and it reminds me of Kevin's sexy shirts. Kari, you and I will go there and frolic!
-brown shirt with an eagle on it($3.00)
-very shiny gold sequined shrug. It sounds atrocious, but it's actually fabulous! (and for $2.43, you can't go wrong!)
-comfy cord pants...with ribbons ($10.00)
-blue and brown stripy polo
-a stripy polo shirt that is definitely not pink...nope, not pink at all...if you think it's pink, I dunno, you must be crazy or something, 'cuz it's not...ha...ha...crazy...
-brown flip flops with shiny things on them. They go nicely with my toe bling.
-blue dangly earrings, which were free because of the cool buy one get one free thing they had going on accessories. I love sales.

Well, that's it, I believe. Yayay fabulous clothorz!

Musical Quote of the Day

"You're cynical and beautiful
You always make a scene
You're monochrome delirious
You're nothing that you seem
I'm drowning in your vanity
You're life is your disease
You're dirty and you're sweet
You know you're everything to me"

-Goo Goo Dolls Title: Dizzy