God damn.

Two cavities. My mouth feels like it's been hit by a bag of fucking bricks. And I didn't even get my teeth cleaned. The dentist, Dr Cooper, just went straight for the molars with his needle and his drill. When I was finished, my mom had been shopping and bought me some nice stuff to make me feel better, as I told her I had a shitty day. Stupid Dr Cooper. Remind me to send him a gift basket with anthrax powder in it.

I was told today that I was rude. Damn straight. It's much much easier. And besides, I think that is rich coming from someone who stands with her boyfriend, in the middle of the fucking hallway, with her tongue so far down his throat she's licking the inside of his guts. Why don't they just fuck in the hall and get it over with?
I'm in a rotten mood. It isn't just that the novacaine is wearing off, although that is a major part of it. I'm trying to figure out everything, but the longer I think, that sadder I get. I can't even sleep, what for all the crazy paranoid thoughts that keep disturbing me. Example, I'll be lying in bed, eyes closed, thinking wearily of whatever, and then a horrible question or scenario will create itself in my brain, and I'll sit up and bury my face in my hands for a long time. Once I stayed like that for an hour. Sometimes I brush my hair, because it's getting really long now and it helps me relax.

I knew today was going to be a bad day. It started when my alarm went off at 5:30, and I knocked it under the bedside table. I leant down (this was at my dad's place, where my bed is more than two inches above the floor) and shut it off. I went to roll over quickly, doing this weird flip thing, and bashed the left side of my nose right on the corner of my sister's stereo, causing blood to come out of my left nostril, which then got all over my quilt and pillow. Needless to say, I was pissed off. Then I got to school way early, so I could do my homework, which I didn't do. I just slept. Although, God did grant me one mercy, and made Miss Logue be absent, and I took advantage of the situation and did not hand in my homework. Then it snowed. I want it to rain, so all the dirt and grime of winter will dissapear. I have some hope though...

Whilst waiting outside the school, hoping something would happen, but knowing it would not, I leant against a pole and stared at the ground. It was a little bit sunny, and the snow had melted, but the wind was fast and cold. If I had a mirror, I knew that if I had looked into it, and the glass would have shattered, what for the scowl on my face. Anyway, I looked up, and saw something so small and so sweet I very nearly cried. In the garden of the house across the street, flowers were poking through the cold hard earth and turning brilliantly towards the sun, like little children waking up. I rushed over, not caring if I got hit by a car, or that I was on someone elses lawn. I knelt in the dirt, and saw a small but bright aray of colour. Sunny yellow, sky blue, velvet lavender, tiger orange, forest green, and ivory cream. I didn't pick them, they weren't mine, and they weren't ready. But I smiled and whispered "flowers" very softly, as if they were my silly little secret. I love flowers. The cheap plastic ones in my hair, the tattoed one on my shoulder, or the living things growing in ugly dirty cold grey earth. That was the only good bit of my day.

I think I might do something I'm going to regret. Maybe I'll just be...observant. Why make an ass of myself when I can watch quietly, and hopefully all my questions will be answered without a word being said.