Must...fight...urge...to...freak...out...

Ahh, screw it! Okay, I am SO FUCKING PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW!!! HOLY FUCK!!! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?! I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL SOMEONE!!
Or at least that is what I was thinking towards the end of the day. Ah, springtime. Apparently hate is in the air. Hate directed quite loosely at me. Maybe I am reading way too much into this, and it's all my imagination with a touch of paranoia, but GODDAMN IT! I swear, if I had access to a weapon of the gunly-kind, I would shoot the shit out of certain stuff. Unforetunately, my father won't let me use his gun, unless I'm shooting milk jug targets at the range. I suppose I could use a knife, but that's too messy, and I have to be at close range to stab. And as much as I threaten to kill, I probably wouldn't have the guts. I don't wanna go to jail or anything. But, in my perfect world, I can kill who I want when I want. And then Lenguiney will serve me icy cold diet soda. And Llama-Llama will drive me to the corpse. And I can spit on it. And then Fugu will prepare a delicious meal. And you'll all wish you weren't so mean to me in high school. Or at least you would, if I hadn't killed you.

I'm finished now. But I'd like to say two, heartfelt words, to the general population.
FUCK YOU.

Tuesday's child is full of grace...

Too bad I was born on a Monday. I have done an incredible amount of silly, clutzy things today. Oh well, it can't be helped. On the plus side, my father has found my glasses, so on Thursday, I get to see again! Huzzah!
I didn't do so well on the Social test. Blargh. It bugs me.
So last night I was awake until the wee hours of the morning, but MSN was being a dilhole and wouldn't work. Although, I doubt anyone was online, so I'm sure I didn't miss anything...and yet, it fills my soul with sadness. But I got a high score on solitaire.

Would it interest you to know I have a plan? Okay, it isn't really a "plan", because I don't know how I'm going to achieve what I desire, but I do know I'm going to reach my goal. It will take a long time, but I'm never going to stop. Not until the plan is complete. It will be a difficult road to travel, but I do this on voluntary terms. I have to do this for me. It may even kill me. But once I set out, I cannot back down, no matter how hard the obstacles or how painful the journey.

Okay, enough of that. Sorry, I just had a little sleep so I'm full to the brim with euphamisms and metaphors and things like that. I should do my homework. Meh, I'll do it tomorrow. Woohoo late start.

I'm going to percevere. Just you wait.

Welcome, weary traveller, to early Tuesday morning...

Ah, you have stumbled across my little place on this vast, overcrowded system called the Internet. Shall we have poetry? Or perhaps music?

White Flag-Dido

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you
Or tell you that
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
Where's the sense in that?
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

But I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up, and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love
And always will be

I know I've left too much mess and destruction
To come back again
And I cause nothing but trouble, I understand if you
Can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
Then I'm sure that that makes sense

But I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up, and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love
And always will be

And when we meet, which I'm sure we will
All what was there, will be there still
I'll let it pass, and hold my tongue
And you will think that I've moved on

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up, and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love
And always will be

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up, and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love
And always will be

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up, and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love
And always will be


My appologies for that. I find I type out song lyrics when I have nothing of interest to say. I should have gone to bed hours ago, but alas, I cannot sleep. I shouldn't be filling up the internet with tripe now, should I? It's nights like these where I want to stay awake and think. I have a lot to think about. And yet nothing to say.

I can't keep going under.

Such a good song. Later, I will find the lyrics to a song I really like and post them. But for now, allow me to ramble about my day.
First and foremostly, I cannot find my glasses anywhere, and as a result, I'm having difficulty seeing. I'm especially having problems with depth perception, and objects are closer than they appear...just like side-view mirrors on cars. I hope I can find them soon.
The rest of my day was pretty meh. I found that although sleeping on the downstairs living room carpet is comfortable and cozy, the carpet makes me skin itch. Next time, I'll sleep on the couch/in my bed. Eeeek...itchy.
Anyway, my mom was pissed at me earlier, so she took my sister to the doctor and I got the house to myself. To make myself feel better, I sang. Loud, not caring if I hit the right notes or not.

Please Don't Be Kind-from Galaxy Express 999

What do you want from me?
Do you yourself even know?
Is it me or love more defined?
Up above resting birds uneasy even so
Even if they don't see me they know I'm here at least

So what if I'm like a child whose toy box
Has broken and lost its key
Should I sigh should I cry
What's the point?
Tell me why
No good will come even so

What do you want from me?
Do you yourself even know?
Is it me or love more refined
I can't bear your kind words
Not with this tired heart
Better that you don't see me or I should fall apart

So what if I long for things that can't be?
Those old tales never come true
Tales I hear
Tales I fear
Tales that I may hold dear
No good will come even so


Voices-from Macross Plus

The first word in my dream
I could clearly see
Planet Eden hide beyond the skies

Beautiful and sad
Is the story I tell
All the wind reglars eager

T'was one day
The wind guided him where to go
Like an eagle high above he flew

Waving from down below
He flew out of sight
Into the mystical darkness

Neither a smile nor a cry
I gave when he left
Feeling my spleen* decline

And one think
One day we'd fly farther
And to those places we once shared

Was as souls
Gliding silky weigh tonnes of gold
Deep in the gulf such planet lies

Soothed one day by this universe
Love and hate
Confusion breaks through and dwells

Cast a spell
From the old magic book
Scatter pulse
In the black magic box
Something strange will happen
It will take you so far
So try
We can fly
We have wings
We can touch
Floating dreams
Coming from
So far
Through the wind
In the light

Someone came from the dark oracle
From the stars
Protecting my heart from crying

Taken back why surprised?
My traveller returned
What wind from why did he change?


The there were many others. The song from Princess Mononoke, Part of that World from The Little Mermaid, a song of my own creation, and another one I can't remember. They all sounded very loud in my big, quiet, empty house. Oh well. Being alone is fun, no?
Well, that's pretty much it. Sorry for the nerdy "Oooh anime songs!" post just then. I actually suggest you download them, if you can. They are very poetic and lovely.
*spleen-in this context, spleen is used to describe the spirit. Yeah...that used to confuse Val and myself. "Whoa, dude, she can feel her organs moving!"

Where the devil is my sanity?

I dunno...seemed like a fun title.
So, here I am, on Sunday night, staring absent mindedly into the white glow of the computer screen. No doubt this is harmful to my eyes. Speaking of eyes, I can't find my glasses anywhere. Oh, crap...I think I left them at my dad's. Damn. I'm going to have to either find my old ones or stumble about blindly for a few days until I can retrieve them. Anyway, back to my original topic.
What was my original topic?
Fuck, I hate it when that happens.
I am such a scatterbrain.
Anyway, as much as I detest school, I'm looking forward to it. You see, I have a choice. I can a)stay home all day, get bitched at by my mother. I've given up trying to be nice. She got pissed at me this afternoon and said she was never speaking to me again. I have absolutely no problem with that. Or I can b)tough it out at school, come home, hide in my room, and try to be forgotten about by all. Yeah, plan b sounds good to me.
So, no one is online, and there is nothing good on the television. Curses, I have to wait until Wednesday for Survivor. Oh, I watched part of Return of the Jedi today. Hah...go Ewoks.
So I'm going to play solitaire for a while, maybe attempt to do some homeworking type stuff, and then retire to bed. Not that it was really important.

Groan.

Skiing, you wonderful sport, why do you hurt me so? Seriously...I ache all over. Blargh.
Anyway, I really enjoy Sunday's because it's my "getting ready to face another busy painful horrible week" day. I sleep, I eat, I get to relax. I have also been known to do my nails. And goodness me my hair could do with a comb. I prepare my clothes and school stuff for tomorrow. It'll all be wasted by tomorrow, though, when I drag myself out of bed, try to make myself look presentable, act happy and pleasant, but really I'll be drop-dead tired and annoyed. Of course, I'll be up until midnight or later doing homework, but that's okay. I don't mind. Myahaha.
Goodness me, I'm ever so forgetful. There was something I was supposed to do, but for the life of me I cannot remember what. Oh well, nevermind. I have the house to myself so I can do what I want. Sing, dance, read, watch television, cry, laugh, talk to myself, draw, sleep, dream of flowers. Whatever I want...