I Desperately Need A Life

And/or a job. In anycase, the exam break is almost over, and all I have to say is THANK GOD. I miss the outside world, and have been so lethargic and apathetic that I didn't care to go and do anything productive over the break. As annoying as school sometimes is, at least I have something to do with my day, something to stimulate my brain. I mean, if the most exciting thing I did over the break was to shave my legs, then I seriously need to get a life.
So, Meagan, with her pack of cackling hyena's in tow, will be arriving shortly. I sincerely hope that Meagan will smile upon her sweet little under-aged baby sister and go out and buy some breezers for me. Or orange juice, so I can have screwdrivers. What I'm getting at is that it sucks to be 17, in limbo between 16-the time where people will happily go and purchase liquor for you at a party because you're just so darned cute-and 18-the time when you can go and purchase liquor by yourself. Sigh. And they're going to be watching Troy. I've seen Troy, and it's an okay movie, but I don't see what the big fuss is about. Brad Pitt isn't that good-looking. Okay, well, he is, but still, it's just a long and gorey movie that I didn't like nor did I hate. Thus, I will go to my room, stare at my fish, and listen to music.
Oh, that reminds me! Desdemona learned a new trick! She learned that if she swims to the top of the water, where the food is, she can eat! As opposed to slurping it off of the bottom after Othello is done. Silly, silly girl.
Anyway...

Musical Quote of the Day

"Fly the ocean in a silver plane
See the jungle when it's wet with rain
And just remember 'til you're home again
You belong to me"

-Jason Wade CD: Kitty-Chan's Love Mix Track: I don't remember, and can't be bothered to look Title: You Belong To Me

My Sleep Schedule Is Completely Fucked Up

So, to remedy it, I will have to stay up all night tonight and all day tomorrow, so that I can actually get back into a normal sleep pattern before Monday. You know, the kind where you sleep at night and are awake during the day, because as for me, it is the complete opposite. It really can't be good for me.
Anyway, apart from weird sleeping habits, things are good. Mother has gone to Whitefish, Montana, and just before she left we had a big fight because heaven forbid I should dare to do something in a way other than what she specified. It was incredibly stupid, it was over a piece of paper. Seriously. The woman can be such a tyrant!
Well, I'm going to go and makes some late dinner (toast) and then I'm going to while away the hours with internet and TV.

Oh, to understand my computer....

Having some technical errors here...my tablet has gone on the fritz, and so has the CD burner and music player. Oh well! At least I can still blog. Love to blog.
Anyway, fellows, a major crisis has been overted. I can re-write the diploma again in June, huzzah! So, provided that I pass English (oh, dear God, please!) then all will be well. You know, it's rather funny. I miss going to school...probably because I know the end is near. In any case, I'm feeling cabin fever. I guess it's nice to have a reason to do something everyday.
My mother is going to Whitefish, Montana, and me and my sister have the house to ourselves for a couple of days. Meagan's having some friends round on Saturday night, so I think I will try and convince Rene/Kari/Elizabeth to come over, to keep me sane. Or I'll just sit alone in my room, crank up the volume on the stereo, and draw whilst listening to Kitty-Chan's Love Mix, the first ever CD I mixed all by myself. Not without problems, though, of course. Three messed-up CD's later, I had Kitty-Chan's Love Mix, a collection of 18 songs that, to me, express love. And none of them are sappy, I swear! With the exception of one. One is so sappy I'm not even sure I like it, but oh well, I used to love it as a kid. "Angel Eyes" by Ace of Base. It's actually really bad, but it's by Ace of Base, the ABBA of the 1990's! As a pre-teen, I practically worshipped them, so it only seemed right for me to have at least one of their songs on my CD. Anyway, yeah. It's pretty awesome. The last song is "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls, because to me, it is the ultimate love song. The lyrics kick ass.
Yup, so that's pretty much it, at my end.

Musical Quote of the Day

"And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to Heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now"

-Goo Goo Dolls CD: Kitty-Chan's Love Mix Track: 18 Title: Iris

The End of the World as I Know It

Either I'm really fucking stupid, or the world hates me. Really. Probably a little bit of both.
I thought my English Diploma Part B was tomorrow. It was today. My mother called and told me, and she told me to check the messages. I checked, and Mr Mack had called to tell me that I needed to be there by 10:05 so I could still do it. Unforetunately, if I had even gotten the message, it would have been too late because it takes me an hour to get to school.
So basically, I'm going to die. My mother...oh dear God, my mother....is going to rag on me forever about this.
I just want to know what I did in a past life to make everything important to me like this go so wrong. All the time. I was so prepared for tomorrow. So prepared. I hope I can write the exam again at the end of the year.

Toast...Give Me Toast!

Overall, I am a happy, "normal" teenage girl. I have a good life. I enjoy life. I hate, hate, hate, however, the way my mother nags me about everything. She lectured me for two hours on my attitude and the fact that I have no direction. Well, that's what she said, what she meant was that she didn't like the fact the the direction I'm going in isn't the one she wants me to go in. She would love for me to be like Meagan, the clone of mom, who gets good grades and has a job and drives and everything. What, a 100% final mark in art isn't good enough for her?! Why can't I be getting marks like that in math and science, she asks, and the response -one I've told her a hundred times- is I am not taking math or science this year, I can't get grades for courses I'm not taking!
Sorry, I'm done griping now. It's just that I'm feeling rather pressured. I need to relax. Relax and eat toast and Pocky.

Musical Quote of the Day

"Summer has come and past
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends

Like my fathers come to pass
Seven years has gone so fast
Wake me up when September ends

Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are"

-Green Day CD: American Idiot Track: 10 Title: Wake Me Up When September Ends

Dedicated to all of the people who are about my age, and feeling a little lost and scared. It's a big world out there...the door is open, and the parents are gently -yeah, right- pushing us outside. Don't worry, we won't get lost if we stick together. We are finally becoming who we were always meant to be.

We've finished growing up.

I think this is a side affect of grade twelve. And grad dresses. Dammit all.

Sitting Here At 2:36 AM.

I've decided. I'm ready. Ready to take the step, take the plunge. Ready to give the greatest gift of all. I can do it, I'm not afraid. I've stood on the edge of the cliff, pondering whether to jump, having people try to push me, running to and from the edge. Now, I'm going to run, jump, and free fall into a whole new part of life. Into the sea. Covered in sunshine. It will be wonderful. I'm ready, I really am. My mind is made up. I'm doing this because I want to. No one is making me. This is my choice, and it took me a long time to decide, but I'm ready.
Please...hold my hand.

Musical Quote of the Day

"You enter and close the door behind you
Now show me the world seen from the stars
If only the lights would dim a little
I'm weary of eyes upon my scars"

-Incubus CD: A Crow Left of the Murder Track: 13 Title: Here In My Room

I have a new comfort food.

It goes by the name of toast. Man oh man, I love toast. So toasty. With Marmite, which is something only British/Australian people like. Which is me.
So, if ever you are feeling blue, come on up to my place, and we will have a toast feast.

What A Lousy Stinking Weekend.

God, I knew, I knew something would go awry. Why did I bother even finding my ski pants? Damn it all to Hell. Anyway, yeah, sorry, I'm just griping because we didn't go skiing today. I should have known something would have thrown a wrench in the works, why why why did I get my hopes up.
I hate to gripe, but honestly, this has been a rotten weekend. I don't feel rested, my step mother is a bitch, I didn't get to ski, I lost at bowling, my mom is also being rather bitchy, and I just feel like yelling and telling the world to shut up and stop bloody nagging me!!!
Okay, I'm done now.
Remedy for a bad mood: eating this entire box of chocolate and listening to loud, angry music.

Musical Quote of the Day

"Jimmy died today
He blew his brains out into the bay
In the state of mind
Is my own private suicide"

-Green Day CD: American Idiot Track: 12 part 1 Title: Homecoming: The Death of St Jimmy

Okay, I feel much better now. *eats Hershey bar*

Fshhh! Fshfshfsh!

Those are my skiing sound effects, for tomorrow, this Possum will be doing one of her absolute favourite things. Skiing! Woot! And I have my hat with the floppy rabbit ears and everything. This is gonna rock!
Yup, so during my scheduled nap, I had a really scrummy dream about ponies. Two, and they were both mine. A white mare named World Song and a brown and white pony named Achilles. They lived in field a little way from my house, I had to cross through an enchanted forest to get to them, and we played in the sun and helium balloons came out of the sky and I could jump and grab them and float a bit, and it was so fun! All was well, except then I was freaking out because I was in my house and it started to rain, and I thought that they would drown, so I went to the bus stop to go up to them to find them some shelter. There was another non-existant-in-the-real-world girl, my age, with her daughter there, and she said she bought the ponies, then exchanged them for sex to some male strangers. I was freaking out! So all three of us went from farm to farm, through the enchanted forest and checked out the field, asking if anyone had seen them. The helium balloons were gone, and I was very sad. But then, miracle of miracles, we went to a stable/horse museum and there they were! And the best part was that it was the same stable I had in another dream, where I had my talking horse, Jedi, but then it was destroyed. But it was back! The little daughter asked me to point out my horse, and I said that the white one racing around the pen was mine, it was World Song, and Achilles, and Jedi, and the huge Clydsedale I remember from my other dream outside in the pen in the sunshine. So I met the owner of the stable/horse museum, explained that Achilles and World Song were mine, and we all left together, and Jedi came with us. It was the happiest dream ever.
So...I know it's really crazy, but it was one of those dreams where you wake up with a big grin on your face, and you feel so good inside. Call me weird, but I like good dreams. I've been having a lot of them.

Musical Quote of the Day

"And though he tries with all his heart
My horse couldn't catch a golfing cart"

-Arrogant Worms CD: C'est Cheese Track: 9 Title: The Mountie Song
Well, I figured my blog was about horsies, and this song mentions a horsey. Yeah. Apt!

Skiing tomorrow, wootwootwootwootwootwoot! Fshfshfshfshfsh! I have to go and get my babies (skis) and find my goggles and chapstick. Because nothing ruins a gorgeous day on the mountain than chapped lips.