But...

I tried so hard...

Happy!

Today I heard my Nana's voice the first time in about three years. We don't get to talk to them (my English relatives) much. She turned 74 today. I LOVE YOU, NANA!
Then I slept until 4:20-ish in the afternoon. Guess who needed to be at work by 5:00? Go on, guess! Yeah, me! You've never seen me move so fast. The bus was coming in four minutes. In about thirty seconds of me seeing the alarm clock I was up, half dressed, and rooting through my laundry basket for my shirt. I was out the door in two minutes. No exageration. I didn't brush my hair or teeth, wash, or anything. I forgot my glasses, which is probably why I have a headache now.
Then they let me off work early, and I did the grocery shopping with my mom. And now I am tired. Even though I slept all day. Oh well.

Musical Quote of the Day

"I've got another confession to make
I'm no fool
Everyone's got the chance to break
When holding you"

-Foo Fighters Title: Best of You

Oh, the Sun! How I missed you!

Welcome back! Feel free to stay as long as you'd like! You are a relief from the rain...you're telling me that a new day has begun and everything is going to be okay. Thankyou, Sun!
I'm feeling okay. I mean, okay in comparison to the last few days. I was pretty upset last night, just because I was kinda beating myself up a little, but I realized that everything is okay...it's all fine, so long as I'm careful. And I went to sleep and had the most wonderful dream. There were lots of smiling faces and my heart and mind felt good.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh...the Sun is so beautiful!

Musical Quote of the Day

"United we stand
Now and forever
In truth
Divided before

Hand upon hand
Brother to brother
No one
Shall be greater than all

Liberty!
Justice!
Trust!

Freedom!
Peace!
Honour!

Goodness!
Strength!
Valour!"

-Quest for Camelot Soundtrack Title: United We Stand
I like it because it's about the knights of the round table, and it's sung by an English men's choir, and different "Knight" sings each word. The guy who sings "valour" has an awesome accent! It was an awesome movie.

Oh...kay...


Things are better now...much better. But I still feel like quite the fool. There is only one song that can fit this situation, which is one of relief, but also one of feeling one gets when one makes a mistake. So, without further ado, here is the

Musical Quote of the Day

"Throw away the sterio suitcase
That keeps you awake
Hide the telephone
The telephone
Telephone in case
You realize that sometimes you're just not okay
You level off
You level off
You level off
And it's not all right now

You need to understand
There's nothing strange about this
You need to know your friends
You need to know that

I'll be waving my hand
Watching you drown
Watching you scream
Quiet or loud

And maybe you should sleep
And maybe you just need
A friend as clumsy as you've been
There's no one laughing
You will be safe in here
You will be safe in here"

-Our Lady Peace Title: Clumsy

And maybe I should sleep, and maybe I just need a friend as clumsy as I've been.
Oh, how clumsy I have been.
I need to be more careful.
Future posts will be lighter in nature, I assure you.

Is This The Way The Moonlight Looks?

Is this the way the moonlight looks
When no one else it watching
Do I see it differently
Through these vacant eyes

Is this the way the moonlight looks
Like the tears of an angel
With a broken wing
And a crown of rain

Is this the way the moonlight looks
Like a shining pebble in a stream
I reach to grasp it between my fingers
But it slips away

Is this the way the moonlight looks
Like the happy laugh of a child
Made almost tanginble
In a shining orb

Is this the way the moonlight looks
Like the heart that beats within your chest
The purest of hearts
That I pray beats for me

Is this the way the moonlight looks
Like a figure alone
Waiting forever
For someone to come for them

This is the way the moonlight looks
Like everything and nothing
Love and fear and desperation
An eternal silence


I feel like being angsty today. ^_^
Love Kat

CURSE EVERYTHING!!!

Curse the automated message! Curse the night! Curse the english exam! Curse the insecurity! Curse the mind of mine! Curse the fear! Curse the alarm clock! Curse the silence! Curse the noise! Curse the train! Curse the messy bedroom! Curse the sore knee! Curse the liquor! Curse the lack of sleep! Curse the moon! Curse the sun! Curse the way emptiness remains a void!
Sorry. Really grumpy.

Auuuuuughgfdsghaausdasuauauu

The sound of an animal in the throws of death...the sound I am making.
Last night was a party, Kari attended, and today I am going to Greekfest with Schnickerfritz, and as fun as all that is, I sort of just want to go to bed and stay there. Maybe I am hungover, or maybe I am just grumpy. Maybe it's the weather. I don't know. But I do want to just be alone for a while.
Maybe it's because I am almost paralyzed by fear. A deep discomfort originating in my stomach and working its way through my limbs and psyche. My heart keeps skipping beats. Every now and then I get goosebumps, the shivering skin crawl that you get when "someone walks over your grave". I feel calm one moment, and then like I'm about to cry the next. My mind keeps turning situations over in my mind...what if...how come....why not...could I....should I...it's all mixed up. It's probably my imagination and insecurities. I've been to this place before, so all I know is that at this time my heart gets broken. This place is so dark and scary and unsure. Everyone is getting on my nerves.
I don't know whether to bring it up in conversation or not. There is nothing worse than someone who is so insecure. I just need to get over it. Pull myself together. Be strong.
But I am still so afraid.

Musical Quote of the Day

"Your life has been so hard
Its dried up angels can't keep going
I'm trying to reach your hand
But I'm on fire
I never meant to fade away
Way yeah
So jsut stop pretending when they say you're nothing

Are you sad?
Are you holding yourself?
Are you locked in your room?
You shouldn't be?
Are you sad?
Are you holding yourself?
Are you locked in your room?
You shouldn't be

I'm drowning inside your head
Help me to answer
Help understand
Why it's been so long since we talked like friends
Oh please forgive me
I'm just a man whose made mistakes
Made yeah
So just stop pretending when they say you're nothing"

-Our Lady Peace Title: Are You Sad