Maybe I'll take a flashlight...

So, I didn't get my tattoo today. No, I didn't chicken out, they just couldn't fit me in. So on Monday, after school and rehearsals, I'm going for a 6:45 appointment. Jolly good.
Saw Jaclyn today-I would link, but I don't know how-at her work, and tried on the prettiest dress ever! We were both fawning over it. So cute! But I didn't purchase it, which makes me sad. Oh well, I'll talk mom into it somehow. Hahaha. But we did do lots of other shopping. I am happy because we went for bras and panties. Yayay! Except not really. And I got two things from "Garage Clothing Co". I feel like such a skank. But who can turn down an electrically bright green pleated skirt? Who? Not me! And I got another manga book. Hopefully that will be my work, one day...
Tomorrow is "Homework Day". It is also "Catch up on sleep Day", so I think those two are going to clash somehow. And Monday is "Tattoo Day". Maybe I can talk someone into coming with me. I need someone there so I don't back down at the last second.

Tomorrow I am getting a tattoo. My sister said it didn't hurt too badly. This assures me because my sister has a very low pain threshold. She still cries when mother brushes her hair. I'm sure I will be able to handle it. Anyway, I'm excited and can't wait to show everyone at school. The worse part will be the healing process I think. It was with my piercings. It'll be all scabby and gross so I don't think I'm going to expose it until it looks nice. Hehehe...that could be dirty.
So, something interesting happened today. Considering my beautiful park has been tainted with words of hate, I went to my Happy Hidey Hole. Danielle and I had a long conversation, and I was telling her about my dream and how awful it is, and having a good ol' fashioned cry. So she started talking about her dream, and burst out crying, and I hugged her and told her everything was okay. It was kind of weird. She came up to comfort me when I was crying, and I ended up comforting her even more! It's funny! Not that we were both sad about our dreams, but when she started sobbing, I pulled her in for a big hug. But she was sitting on my foot and it really hurt. "Danielle, I hate to ruin this beautiful, afterschool special scene, but you're crushing my foot." Yah, kinda ruined the "Degrassi High" moment.
At least I can take some comfort in knowing I have a new place to go and just be me. But I'm still going to miss my park. As safe and secluded as the Happy Hidey Hole is, it's dark. I'll miss the sunshine. And there are no birds. But luckily there will never be any squirells or children, and should I overhear someone saying they don't like me, at least I will know them, and thusly know why. I hate not having a reason. And if it's cold or something, I can still go there. I quite like the spirits. I don't think they're paticularily comforting. In fact, I've been scared and had weird sensations a couple of times, but they have a certain charm, and I respect that. I can sit in my Happy Hidey Hole and peek out from behind the seats, and sense them. It gives me something to do. I noticed something eerie today, perhaps I'll blog about it later.
And now, signing off. Wish me luck on my tattoo-ness tomorrow! Here is hoping I don't get a horrible infection!

I can't even go to the park anymore. Isn't there anywhere that I can be safe? I'm tired of people hating me for no good reason. I'm tired of people hating me in general.

What Type of Villain are You?

mutedfaith.com.


No, I'd really rather let those problems fester. Cool...I am so Dr Claw.

I hate this.
I wake up at 7:30, trying to decipher my dreams, and realize I should have left the house half an hour ago. So I then weigh out the pros and cons of going to school. I decide to stay home, because there doesn't seem to be any reason to go to school and make myself even more miserable. I'm sick, anyway. Stupid coldness. And today was the day I was going to go and battle the children, but they'll have to wait another day. Wretches.
Anyway, I'm going away now.

I appologize for yesterdays entry. I'll keep violent emotion to myself from now on. Thankyou all for your time.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! NONONONONO THIS ISN'T HAPPENING! Oh, for the holy love of God let this just be a dream within a dream...please let my alarm clock go off any minute now and wake me, and let it be back when I was five living in England going to Catholic Boarding school without a care in the world. Let my nanna still be healthy and let Misty still be alive. Let it be the day my cousin Jacob tore up my picture of a dinosoar, because that was the day Dad called me from Canada to tell him off and it made me happy. Let it be my fifth birthday, when Nanna gave me five yellow roses and a birthday cake shaped like a puppy. Let it be anything except this horrible place! God, I hope my alarm goes off soon. My best friends Layla and Hermione and I are going to the beach with Auntie Lou, in our adorable school uniforms. Soon Nanna is going to come in a wake me up and make me what I have for breakfast everyday-boiled egg and lightly buttered toast-and I'll play with Misty. Oh God, please don't let this be happening. Make that awful dream I just had not be real! When will my alarm go off? Oh that stupid dream! I always wanted to know who it was I was killing, and now I know and I am so frightened. I really want some company at the park tomorrow, but you're too wrapped up in your own misery to give a shit about me. All of you. Why is it that I can't seem to keep anyone? The person I love more than anything, my family, friends. Why?! I lied before, I don't have answers to any of those questions, not a single one. Why don't people like me? I've looked in the mirror for so many hours, trying to figure it out. My mom said I looked very pretty after she French braided the crap out of me, but I don't see a very pretty person. I see a sickly, unloved, ugly, despised little creature who has nothing better to do than dwell on the past, and make lists of her most wanted desires. Whatever I did, I'm sorry. Whatever I didn't do, I'll do it, but please, God, make that dream dissapear. Make me wake up to the sound of the defective rooster living next door to Nanna. I want to wake up and get my morning hug from Grandpa, and never leave England and never take up drawing or singing or acting, and just be like everybody else. You all seem to like everybody else. Oh dear God...I was killing her, she looked so sad. Right at the time when I really need someone, anyone, no one is there. I'm alone. Alone in my park. My beautiful, sad, lonely park. It's midnight...I'm not going to sleep tonight. I don't want to dream again, and see her face. I don't want to watch me kill her. I HATE THIS DREAM, I HATE THIS LIFE!!! Oh, Nanna, Mom, someone, please, wake me up. Wake me up. Wake me up and let a wave of relief come over me as I remember this stupid life/dream. Don't let me be alone anymore. Please come to the park tomorrow. Misty. Ahhhhh, this is so frightening. Please God. Please.




Dear beloved reader;
Kat is under a lot of stress lately. She hasn't slept for weeks, and she is sick. She will return to normal as soon. Until then, we promise to keep her away from the blog website, in hopes of sparing you all from silly outbursts of raw insanity. Thankyou for your patience.

Sincerely, the Management.

Eeeek...French braids hurt my head and my soul. Oh, the agony.

Worst version of the dream ever. Damn it...is it too much to ask to just want a good night's sleep? I daren't look in the mirror, because I look like crap. I have for the past little while. Stupid dream. Why won't it just leave me alone?
So, contrary to my post about mental notes, I made a list. T'is rather a silly thing to do, but it's pretty good, considering I cannot draw anything right now. Nothing, except this one idea planted in my head a few days ago that lingers there and chokes off the rest of my imagination. Not like I had much of one left anyway.
Tomorrow, however, will be different. I do hope the weather is nice. I'm going to the park-what a surprise-and I'm going to sort out my sketch book, listen to music, and play on the swings. I'm glad I don't feel quite so sick, now I'm just tired.

Oh dear God no...no no no no no...eeeeeek! I just found a note from mother. Addressed to me, stuck to the pantry door, with only two words. "French braids." This is not good. I have done something very wrong and now I am going to be punished with the most painful torture imaginable. Oh dear! Whatever shall I do!?

How eerie, and yet, strangely apt.
In my mild hunger, I went forraging for food and stumbled across a fortune cookie. I cracked it open, expecting to find a message about my impending and inescapable doom, but instead, nothing. Not a scrap of paper to be found. I don't have a fortune.

So I didn't get to sleep after all. Nevermind! Tomorrow is another day. Another bleak, dismal day.

I miss my park. Yes, you heard me. MY park. Oh, how I do wish Tuesday would be here soon. Although I am most grateful for tomorrow's holiday. I get to do all the homework I have neglected over the long weekend. Hooray.

It's Sunday. And a beautiful sunny day, at that. My mom picked me up, took me for lunch, ignored my pleas for sleep and/or death, and bought me some Hello Kitty merchandise. It makes me feel a bit better.
I'm so ill, it isn't even funny. And I had to splash about in freezing cold water cleaning my fish out. Man, Bamboo is one fast little fucker. In a non-sexual way.