Oh Dear Sweet Lord

Have mercy on my soul, you jerk!
So, considering I get accused at every turn by everybody that I don't look far enough ahead into the future, I decided to look into some post-secondary choices. And instead of sorting out my life it just made me so confused I could cry. There are three choices I have, considering I don't want to leave Calgary for school. So here they are.
1. ACAD
2. Mount Royal
3. University of Calgary
I'm not going to SAIT. I'm just not.
Anyway, so, basically, all three of these schools left my head pounding. Let's begin.
The ACAD, or Alberta College of Art and Design, would seem like an obvious choice for an artist such as myself. But unforetunately, there is no drama, no music, no English, no anything else I like. And I don't have a portfolio. So, that's that out.
Secondly, there is Mount Royal. Not only could I barely navigate my way around their website, but it would seem that I am a retard. On the good side, they have two year diploma's in theatre and music. But apparently art doesn't exist. At all. Or maybe I just couldn't find it. They do, however have a winter semester I can sign up for. It definitely seems the most promising of the three, but I'm still so confused I don't know what to think. But both their music and theatre programs require auditions. Oh. Dear. Lord.
Last but not least is the U of C. Prestigious, no doubt, and they had everything I liked...music, art, drama, and English. Plus, at the end, I'd have a degree, not just a diploma. There is one major set back though. The programs are at least four years (some are five), and I can't sign up for a winter semester. Considering I'll no way in Hell be able to pay for this myself, I'd be taking out student loans. And upon exiting their programs with a spiffy degree, I could have up to six years worth of student loans waiting to suck up the rest of my life.
Which, of course, reminds me I haven't even looked into finances!
God, I hate this. I hate that I want to go to post-secondary so badly...I don't want to be a deadbeat loser for the rest of my life, working in some generic job and regretting that I never went to college. But it's so damned expensive and confusing! Why can't someone just come up to me and say "This is what you want to take, this is what you need to take it, and this is how much it will cost." Instead of all this bullshit about applications, auditions, and admissions. I know, I know, life isn't easy. I'm not trying to be a pampered little princess here who gets everything handed to her on a silver platter. But surely, surely it can't be this fucking complicated?!
So I have two choices, really. Spend the next several years living with my mother, paying rent, watching my perfect sister go to uni-bloody-versity and be the smart daughter, then grow old, work as a waitress forever, and look back on my life and wished I had gone to post-secondary. I'll have no husband or children, because no one's going to want to marry someone who can't support herself financially, and I won't have any kids because I won't be able to afford them. Plus, if I had kids, I'd end up living through them and putting pressure on them to go to university and be brilliant and they'd hate their lives and me, and I wouldn't want to do that to anyone. That's option A.
Option B is that I go to school, not even sure what I'll end up doing, having no free time or money, racking up huge debt due to student loans, spending years in school, hours in lecture halls, and growing more and more confused. And all of that is if I get in. If. If I can afford it, if I have good enough grades from high school, if they like my auditions. And if I can't do any of that, I won't go crazy, but I'll go back to option A.
I don't want to be a failure.
But I think I already am.
And now that I'm all good and cried-out, I'm going to bed. To stare at the ceiling until dawn and go to a brightly coloured parade where I can pretend everything is okay.