Alright. Fine.

Way to take away my happy, Mom.
So, mom comes in this morning, yelling her favourite phrase at me. "It's not good enough!" No, so I've heard. Anyway, she's going on and on, and all I could think of was the fact that last night, when I got home, I was so tired, I didn't even change. I got down to my panties and socks, crawled into bed, hair still up and glasses still on, and fell asleep with the lamp on. I was pleasantly content in this thought, knowing I had a good sleep, at least, and then I heard my mother say "If I get home today and find anything not in it's place, it's going in your room!" and then she stomped off. I imagined things that don't belong to me, like books and knitting and God knows what else my sister has left lying around, thrown in my room. It made me so angry. So very very angry. I didn't say anything to Mom (duh, I'm not stupid) and just thought...why is it, that this house isn't allowed to look lived in? So what, my binder is propped up by the computer? It's not hurting anybody. It's like....a house should be tidy, but this is bordering on OCD. I came to a decision. Instead of going to school, I'm going to stay home and clean the whole house, before I go to work. I have a small glimmer of hope that this will be enough to shut her up.
Of course, what I must remember is that nothing, no matter what I do, will ever be good enough. I'm not doing this for her, really, anyway. I'm doing it so that in my heart I'll know I tried.

Musical Quote of the Day

"Please take me by the hand
It's so cold out tonight
I'll put the blankets on the bed
I won't turn out the light

Just don't forget to
Think about me
And I won't forget you
'I'll write you once a week' she said

Why does it feel the same
To fall in love or break it off
And if young love is just a game
I must have missed the kick off

Don't depend on me
To ever follow though on anything
But I'd go through Hell for you

And I haven't been this scared in a long time
And I'm so unprepared
So here's your Valentine
Bouquet of clumsy words
A simple melody
The world's an ugly place
But you're so beautiful to me"

-Blink 182 Title: Going Away To College
How annoyingly and pleasantly apt.

Oh, and as an update, as I was cleaning the kitchen, it saddened me to find Skittles the budgie dead on the floor of her cage. Now, I never particularily liked Skittles. We've had her for about nine years. She was my sister's bird, anyway, but I ended up feeding, watering, and cleaning her because Meagan kept forgetting. So I didn't like her that much. In anycase, I knelt down, and felt tears spring to my eyes, looking at that small blue and white bird, twisted and awkward, her eye black, sunken, and blind. She must have died during the night. I said "Will anyone but me notice you're gone?" I removed the lid of the cage, shooed Grace away, and gently picked her up. She was very soft, but stone cold. I brushed off the seeds that had stuck to her corpse, and wrapped her in clean paper towels. She weighed almost nothing. I got my boots and went into the sunny, windy, melting backyard, and dug a hole in the garden with a kitchen spoon. I crouched, and opened the paper towel shrowd to look at her one last time. She had landed on her stomach, but I held her on her back. One wing was across her stomach, the other stretched to the side. Her little feet and beak were clenched and tight in death, and her head was tilted up and twisted to the left. The white feathers around her face had turned an odd shade of pink. Even though I had never liked her, I felt so sorry for that little bird. It felt even stranger, because I am wearing blue and white, and my shirt has wings on it, which was so odd. I folded her stiff wings to her sides, to a position that looks more comfortable, and re-wrapped her. I placed her gently into the grave, and her to rest in peace. Because it seemed like the right thing to do.