Irri...irritated...

Everybody is pissing me off today! Maybe it's because I'm tired. Danielle asked how I was, and I said "not feeling too good" so she hugged me. Yeah, because what I really need now is for some scary goth chic who is smoking a cigarette that smells like death to hug me. Thanks. And then choir, and everybody was bitching and moaning the entire time about everything. I felt like just smacking each and every one of them. The group I am in are so...fucking annoying! "Oh no, this is high, I can't sing high, I'm an alto, boohoo!" Please, don't make me kill you. The whole day continued on pretty much in this fashion. All the drama kids were moaning about having to rehearse more, Tristan stopped by with his long greasy black hair and nasty sweater and the slurpee cup that is practically glued to his hand. In broadcasting I had to put up with the "I'm oh-so-fucking-cool" emo kids, who look like complete morons in their tight jeans and studded belts that annoyed me from the get go, and the EVEN MORE ANNOYING kindergoths, specifically this fat one with a high voice, who wears a black choker that is supposed to resemble a dog's collar or something, but he looks, sounds, and acts like a 12 year old. I want to take them all and go "You think you're making a statement? You are so lost in your own cliches and stereotypes that you don't even know who you are! Are you surprised people don't like you? You irritate the fuck out of everybody with your 'don't help me I can't be saved' bullshit when really the rest of us consider losing you no great loss in the first damn place!" and I would continue to yell at them unintelligably until the men in white coats hauled me away. Yeah, that would be nice. And then on the way home, my mother's off key, flat singing to music that I sort of used to like, but now I cringe to hear. We did go out for sushi, which was great, except I couldn't really enjoy it over my sore throat. And on the way home we had a long and depressing discussion about what I'm going to do with my life in the next few years. And I honestly don't know. Maybe this extra year at high school was a mistake...I can't tell. I'm not doing so well and I have no idea where my life is going. I mean, college-wise. Fuck, I wish I knew what I was doing. I haven't felt so sad in a long time, and I got used to not feeling like that.
I'm sorry for the long, poorly constructed blog entry, which high in levels of both angst and bitchiness, but it just hasn't been a good day. I know no one really wants to be around me when I'm like this, so if you want to maybe just leave me alone so I can simmer down, that might not be such a bad idea. But if you miss the old, happy, carefree Kat, blame Matt. Seriously. It all boils down to him really, and the fact that friendship means absolutely fuck-all to him.
There was an owl on the roof last night. It was cool. I hope it comes back again tonight.
Again, sorry for the craptacular blog.