So this is my life. Huh.
I have started a pony collection. I bought a "My Little Pony" today. She is terribly cute. I hate her.
Didn't go to school on Friday, too damn lazy. I am so fucking C F S I A L it isn't even funny. I am such a bad mood. After a million fustrating tries, I finally drew the god damn jungle paradise. I used chalk, so the effect doesn't look quite right, but it was the lesser of several evils. Plus I still have a shit-load of social homework that I'm going to put off until midnight. You think I would learn, but I'm a dumb ass, so I will continue to make mistakes.
My sister and her friend have given up something for Lent. And they're betting on it. That actually made me laugh. "Meagan, you can't gamble on Lent. It's Lent! And if we did practice organized religion, we'd be Jewish!" I've been told to give up something for Lent. Well, I have news for my mother; I already have given up something, and it wasn't for Lent. Wow. The word Lent has lost all its petty meaning. How dumb.
I had a terrible dream last night. I was so glad when I woke up. But then I remembered my actual life. So I spent my early waking hours trying to decide which was better. My awful dream, or my awful life. I decided my awful life was better. I never want what happened in the dream to happen in reality, but it already is. I see it everyday. It's killing me.
So that was a total bummer about Anthony Knights party not working out. Oh well. I got him the best damn gift ever. And by "got him" I mean "am going to get him". Shall we have a song?
Okay. I was going to put a song up but I am too damn lazy and annoyed. Especially about that stupid drawing. Holy crap, there had better be a really good fucking explanation, or I'm ripping the damn thing up. I can't believe it. I have been destroying so much of my art work lately. I remember when I used to cry when people tore it up. It used to break my heart to see something I truly thought was beautiful, truly a part of me, mangled by idiots who laughed and joked. And now I am that idiot. I tear drawings up until they are no more than confetti and throw them into the trash or into the wind. I guess I don't have a heart to break anymore. But then again, I'm C F S I A L, aren't I? So not much bothers me anymore. Speaking of Cfsial, my little Pegasus makes for a great story-line subject. Yeah, that makes sense in my head.
I'm pretty much rambling right now. I suppose if you took the time to go back and read this you might be able to find hidden meaning and messages from the old Kat, hiding inside this new and nasty person I have become. Old Kat is dying to come out. Literally dying.
Watched Metropolis yesterday. So beautiful. One day, I'm going to create things like that...and no one will hate me and my work will be famous. Tima is just so sad and sweet. It's not a wonder it is my favourite movie. I'm a weird person. One minute I'm getting a tattoo and the next I'm buying toy ponies and simpering over sweet little anime girls with no one to love them. I also made sugar cookies on Friday night in anticipation for Anthony's party. You know what the weird thing is? I had two screwdrivers-the drink, not the hardware-and I actually cooked better. Sure, I was light-headed and giggly, but damn they were amazing cookies! And nothing bad happened while I was making them. Drinking with my old man is always jolly good fun. Mmm, delicious cookies. I shall simply have to make some more.
I'm sorry I'm not a nicer person. I've been really mean to some people over the past little while. I'm just tired. Even in my dreams I'm mean to people. I'm also sorry for this long ass blog. I guess I'm just typing because I have nothing better to do. That's a lie. I have a lot of stuff to do. Like homework. But homework means sitting in my room, and sitting in my room means listening to sad music, and sad music means I'm thinking about all the recent events, and thinking about recent events means me being suspicious, and suspicion means hating myself, and I already have that covered.
I'm going on a bit of a candy thing right now. I saw a show on candy yesterday, and it really made me fancy some gummi bears. So I bought them and some Smarties. Mmm so yummy. Whoever came up with Sundae Smarties was an absolute genius. As opposed to the person who came up with the Smarties Bar. Chocolate, coated in candy, coated in chocolate. The next inevitable phase is another layer of candy. So it will be a giant square Smartie with lots of little Smarties inside. And I think that is just silly.
I hope Johnny Depp wins an Oscar. I'm not watching them, I just hope he wins. I watched The Secret of NIMH the other day, and it reminded me of my childhood. Except it isn't really a childrens movie, what with all the animal torture and violence. Oh well. While watching a movie last night at my Dad's place, I got up to make some popcorn. And funnily enough it reminded me of something that happened a while ago. Something I had forgotten. I saw the something, and laughed out loud. A genuinely happy laugh, which I have not done in a long while. And I picked up the something, and carefully ran my fingers over it. Then I smiled softly, and held the something close to my heart. My dad came in and asked why I was hugging the something. Then I said "Oh, no reason." and I hugged it some more and proceeded to watch the movie.
Well, I should wrap this up. I'd just like to say something, but I cannot, because of C F S I A L. But I'll say it to myself. No one can hear what I say to myself except me. And I won't tell a soul.